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Why am I like this?

Ok I'm feeling bad enough as it is, so please if you don't have anything nice to say keep it to yourself. I just need some others opinions, people who don't know me. I met my ex boyfriend about 5 months ago and at first it was great, then he started being kind of mean to me, he would make comments about other girls in front of me, and once even said, and I quote, "I've never been lucky enough to have beautiful women around me". I felt horrible, and it's weighed on my mind for days now. We broke up last tuesday, but in all honestly I do still love him, and I don't know why. Why would I still have feeling for someone who treated me bad? Should't I know that I deserve better? Sunday night after church this guy made a comment about me, because I said I was hot (I meant that it was hot outside), he said "Well that's a matter of opinion". I was like DUDE whats your deal. I'm feeling prettycrappy about myself to say the least! Help?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Well untill you realize that you deserve better and untill you carry yourself with pride then you will always attrack loosers. So get over yourself and love yourself, because if you can't stand yourself how can you expect anyone else to treat you the way you deserve
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:10 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Do something to keep you busy cause your better off with out him. Try hanging out with friends and going to the gym. Just do things to make you happy cause you deserve it. And maybe along the way you will find someone who is nice and treats u like u should be treated:)
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 2:12 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • u deserve better hun. i was in a relationship lik that once. i thot i loved him but really it was just a fear of moving on. i got over it and u need to get over him b4 he completely destroys ur self confidence and respect. ur beautiful as u r and u dont need a man to make u feel beautiful. hes not worth it. hes an a$$
    xhellxfirex495

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 2:13 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Thank you megclark for the positive feedback, I truly apprecieate it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Did you let your bf know how you felt when he made that comment?


    If not you should have sometimes people don't realize what they are saying.


    Before I met my dh I was kind of rude to him I was so used to being single that when we went on a date I actually would check out other guys not realizing what I was doing to him finally he brought to my attention and I was like...oh I am sorry I didn't realize I was diong that..I guess in back of my mind I felt I could find better, instead I saw all the goods things in him and I am very happy i chose him..at the time I was meeting all types of jerks. So if you love this guy let him know what you are feeling bc he might not honestly know and if he still continues to be this way towards you move on and find that special some1.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Sometimes it's easier for us to settle and take the verbal abuse just so we're not alone. I know from experience.

    The BF needs to stay out of your life. You need time to find yourself and figure out what type of relationship you really desire. Once you realize just how beautiful you really are the right man will come along. Never settle... you deserve to be treated like a queen.

    Your child/children are watching, listening, learning and will follow in your footsteps. If you want them to have healthy relationships then you need to start with yourself.

    Suggestion: maybe you could start with a new hair-do, new outfit, manicure/pedicure. Anything for yourself and something that makes you feel good about yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Thanks for all the positive answers!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • What we know in our heads, and what we know in our heart isn't always the same. Clearly intellectually you know that you don't deserve this, and don't need this guy, but somewhere in your heart you aren't so sure. I agree with what most of the other posters said. Do something positive for yourself. Do things that make you feel good about you. Your head is right......change your heart.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:54 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I'm curious... if you broke up, why are you still talking after church?
    It was very rude of him to say either of those things to you. Men like that will beat you emotionally to the ground and I'm so glad you see that it's not right. I don't know about all women, but most women are nurturers and when we meet people like that we hope he can love their mean parts away. When he says things like that, tell him that it was rude and uncalled for. Ask him how he'd feel if you said you thought he wasn't hot at all, or that it seems like all you attract are unattractive men who are even uglier on the inside.
    I try to avoid people like your ex because I don't need anyone else putting me down, I can torment myself enough sometimes without their help.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:21 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • they say things like that to lower your self esteem bc they have low self esteem and want to reduce you to their level. There is a thing called relationship addiction. I don't think what you are experiencing is love (jmo) but when we connect to a toxic person who says means things to us it's not a good thing. It could be a co dependent thing. If you were my dd I'd encourage you to find someone else. Don't take hurtful words from men like that personally. It's their issue and they are trying to make you feel as badly about yourself as they do about themselves. I had a guy tell me I'm short fat and dumpy....to which I retorted "and yet you date me!" I'm ok with me. I like me. Learn to like yourself...THAT is attractive to men. Men are attracted to women who are happy and confident in themselves. Until you get to that level, just pretend and guys will still be attracted to you! Just believe in yourself.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:42 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

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