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19 month old and overnight visits with father????

My ex has been begging me lately to let him take our 19 month old DS for the weekend. He has only seen him twice since he was 5 months old and the visits were no more then an hour long and I was there the whole time. The last time I left the two alone(when DS was 5 months) I came back to wholes punched in my walls because my ex couldn't get him to stop crying. I am very uneasy about letting overnight visits happen. There is yet to be a custody order and I have spoken to a lawyer who advises against it. Just wondering what other moms would do.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't agree to an overnight right now. Let them spend some time together, but only in very limited doses - start with one, one hour visit and see how it goes.

    Answer by missanc at 2:46 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I had a lot of reservations when my son went to stay with his dad for the first time after our divorce. My ex had never spent much time with him and he was only 8 months old. So I just told him that he could have overnights only if he stayed at his sisters house with him. (his sister has children and is good with my son). I know this isnt always a viable option, but it worked for us. and my ex does it always now just because he gets to see his son with out actually doing the work of taking care of him. but is there isn't yet a custody agreement, KEEP A LOG!! of visits, phone calls, etc. It will help sooo much if it does go to court. A judge is reluctant to give overnight visits with someone who barely knows his own child. I kept one and it was the reason my ex has restricted visitation.

    Answer by blondy2k5 at 2:47 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I would not let it happen it sounds to me that the father has some anger issues, and some men really cannot handle when a baby cries and they can't stop it. If it were me and I let it happen I would be up all night wondering what was going on.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:54 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • If you let him go with your ex, he can legally refuse to return the child (IF he's on the birth certificate). Wait until you go to court. Ask for supervised visits first. No overnights until you're sure he can take care of your son properly.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • maybe agree to day visits but not overnight if he is punches holes in the wall he does not need a child over night!

    Answer by Willywonka06 at 3:14 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Based soley on what you have said, I'd would not let my child over there. 1. he doens't know him well. 2. that temper could turn ugly and what if he takes him out instead of the wall? 3. your lawyer advised against it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • If you're not required, NO. If he has such anger issues that he punches the wall with an infant, what do you think he's going to do with your toddler?????

    Answer by apexmommy at 7:11 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • In my state, the dad can't take the child for overnight visits under the age of 2 unless he has sole custody.

    With punching holes in the wall just over being frustrated over the crying, I'd question even leaving him unsupervised with the child, let alone over night.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:22 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • same issues here(father has anger issues and doesnt really see ds) but the courts dont care sadly

    Answer by Jnc91 at 1:12 AM on Mar. 23, 2010

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