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Should I confront my MIL or Leave it alone since she's DH's mom?

I had a baby year ago and gained 60 pounds while pregnant. I was a size 4 before so I felt pretty bad but shrugged it off because I had a baby. I’ve lost some weight but not all as I was very sick for a good time after I had the baby almost losing my life during childbirth. I hemorraged and had a minor stroke. I've lost about half the weight and am now as size 10. This past weekend my father in law asked me what was wrong with me. He said that I was letting myself go and I looked horribly fat. This really hurt my feelings and to make things worse he proceeded to tell me that my mother in law (they are divorced) is the one who went to his house and told him that I look really fat. This isn’t the first time that my mother in law has talked about me behind my back and I’m so angry and completely hurt. I'm angry and I don't know how to handle the situation. Help!

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Asked by mrsmendoza2006 at 5:06 PM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (19)
  • confronting her wont help in my opinion. You cant change her behavior, hateful is just hateful! You had a baby. Im a size 10 too after my dd, dont worry what others say just focus on you and yur child. I know it is hard and you are hurt but their are alot of buttheads out there!!!

    Answer by ria7 at 5:09 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • what a b*** what size is she??

    Answer by Jan40 at 5:22 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • The PP is right. Confronting her only gives her what she wants: attention, drama and an argument. Hateful people like that NEED the reaction to fuel themselves, so don't give it to her.

    As for how you look. My god, you had a baby AND you've had a stroke in the process. Would that your MIL would remember that when she starts running her gums. Instead of listening to that biddy who obviously needs to get a life, look at that beautiful baby and be glad you're still here to see him/her grow up. You're lucky, girl, and what you weigh or what dress size you wear doesn't change that.

    Answer by geminilove at 5:24 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I'd like to know when size 10 became "fat".

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • ew, whatabitch. if you really want to confront her (which i would want to say something), do it in a calm way...i've had issues with my SO's mother & her talking nasty to/about me & i've just calmly told her that in no way will I tolerate her speaking to me like that. got the message across. also, my SO would flip at her, i would have your DH say something! he should be protecting his woman!

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 5:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Is your husband not defending you? Both in laws are probably looking for a reaction. They should be happy they have a grandchild and you are still alive! I think your husband should keep his parents in check and defend his WIFE! Geez they could have lost you and the baby

    Answer by msfila1980 at 5:33 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I wouldn't say anything to her but i wouldn't put up with FIL gossiping about stuff. I would tell anybody who says anythign about your weith this: Please do not concern yourself with mty weight or appearance, that is strictly my bussiness and Dh seems to love me just the way I am" And change the subject or even walk away.

    Answer by bebita at 5:44 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • rolling on floorSize 10 = fat? OMG, they are insane. Tell them to come to my house if they want to see fat. Of course, I'll tell them to kiss my ....well you know.  Be ok with yourself. Don't let other ppl control you or try to make you feel bad about yourself. These ppl are not worth the sweat off your cooter. Don't give them the time of day. When you do then you cheat your family out of your time and energy. Being angry and hurt over morons saying dumb things cheats your family out of your smile.


    Answer by admckenzie at 6:00 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Oh,please you yourself sound like you are obes,your MIL could have said you look swollen and sick,in a man ears,he heard,she said you are real fat.Women are struggling everyday with real weight issues,and you want us to feel sorry because your MIL,might have called you fat and you are a size 10.Be happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Are you serious?? What an a$$, I'm a size 14 and I'm never called fat. A size 10 is tiny in my eyes.. So, how to handle mil and fil?? Hmmmm that's a good question.... He should not have said that just cause mil said to, I would tell them it's hurtful and none of their bees wax what you weight. Don't dwell over this cause mil's don't always say the right things. You making a big deal out of this could cause a ripple in your entire marriage, trust me. mil's for whatever reason like to get in the middle.

    Answer by parrishsky at 6:38 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

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