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Would you have this removed?

My 3 year old was born with a dime sized birth mark on her cheek. The Dr.'s have classified it as a mole, and a safe one b/c it grows hair. I think she's a beautiful child with it. What bothers me is that kids already point it out and notice. As she gets older, it's going to get worse. Let's face it, kids are mean. I mean, it's a big hairy mole, it will be like a target sign for mean kids. We have found a surgeon to remove it, but my husband is not totally on board. i would never have it taken off unless both of us are in agreement. He doesn't understand what it's like to be a girl, trying to fit in, etc. He thinks it's "cute". It is right now, she's 3. When she's 12, SHE isn't going to think it's "cute". Is it wrong to have this removed?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I grew up with a lot of moles. Need to see a dermatolgist annually. One was by my ear loab in plane site. It was hairy and was the size of an eraser head.

    Kids commented on it but I never thought about it. The few comments I got were not mean. In my late 20's I had it removed, along with about 10 others that were on my neck, back, shoulders. It was my decsion.

    However, if it was on my face and kids started noticing it (and it willget meaner and meaner), I would have wanted my parents to remove it.

    The problem then is the mark it will leave. Out of all mine, about 4 left scars. Be sure you're ready to handle the scar it will leave behind. Ask the dermatologist if they can fix it aftewards.

    I get the "let them decide" and every kid should have some "cross to bear" but I just don't think I would let this be it for my daughter.

    Best of luck!
    lynnard

    Answer by lynnard at 11:42 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • is it gonna get bigger as she grows? but imo i would get it removed, especially bc it is hairy.... i agree with you
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • No princessbeth, it won't get bigger thank God. I might even consider leaving it if it didn't grow black hair. I just don't see how there is any way to spare he self esteem with this as she grows.  I just can't get my husband to understand that. Thanks for your input.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I agree with you, kids can be very mean, and they will pick on anything that seems different to them. I'd have it removed. Of course you dh thinks she's cute with the mole, that's his baby girl, he'd think she was cute no matter what she looked like! You are right to think about how she'll feel as she gets older....better to get it done while she's still young.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 11:17 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • What will be left after it is removed, which is worse? It's a good opportunity to teach about self esteem (when older). THere are a lot of things kids have that can't be removed, they all have something they hate. If it's not the mole, it WILL be something else ( I teach middle school, I have first hand knowledge). I would leave it up to her when she is older.
    ConnorsMommy521

    Answer by ConnorsMommy521 at 12:38 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I think I would have it removed now rather than wait until it becomes a problem...If you wait until she's older and already starts getting teased about it then if you would choose to have it removed then she could still get picked on since everybody knew she had it removed...maybe im wrong-but kids can be SOOOO mean and judgemental!!! You have to do what you think is best for your daughter! Just talk to your husband-explain your point of view...every parent loves there child just how they are-they wouldn't change a single thing about them,but sometimes you have to put everything else aside and do what you've got to do! good luck with everything!
    dakotasmommy06

    Answer by dakotasmommy06 at 12:41 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I went to school with a girl that had a big birthmark that looked like a mole on her face. It was bigger than what you are describing though. I'm sure she got teased because it was the first thing that people saw when they looked at her, and kids ARE cruel. She had it removed in high school and the scar was barely noticeable. I'm sure she felt like that was the best choice and really with all the scar minimizing ointments out there today, it would probably almost disappear. So yes, I would have the one on her face removed, just to spare her years of agony down the road.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:18 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • My son has one of those on his leg. We've had it checked (will not have it removed at this point) and we were told that as he grows, the mole will grow.

    If you feel it will be removed at some point....well, personally I don't know what I would do. On one hand, having it removed now rather than later sounds good, but on the other hand there's the general anesthesia dangers (I've had two of my sons put out with general and they did fine though) One the other hand, it can wait until she can make an informed decision herself...on the other hand she's less likely to remember it now, and kids will start making more fun later (everyone knows they will)

    I ran out of hands, didn't I? lol

    It's a tough decision because it's elective surgery. If it were medically necessary I think it would be (rough) but easier to decide.

    I think I would go ahead and have it removed. Mainly because it's on her face. But what about scars?
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 10:07 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I would probably have it removed. Kids are extremely mean and cruel. My son had something over one of his eyes----I forget the name of it but it was a cut that healed faster than his skin did so basically all the blood vessels healed outside of the cut. I was told it could not be removed becase the same thing would happen and it would go away on it's on. Problem was kids were teasing him (yes teasing is a part of life but we all want to keep our kids from getting teased!) and the slightest touch to it would make it bleed. So that made it worse. It has healed but if I could have, I would have had it removed.
    lissa27504

    Answer by lissa27504 at 10:16 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Thank you all soo much. I'm scared of the scarring as well. The doctor we found is a board certified plastic surgeon who specializes in reconstructive facial surgery. He said the scarring would be minimal, especially since her skin is still so pliable at this age. Kids already say things to her, she just doesn't always understand that they are being mean. The mean ones have been few and far between, but there are always many many questions. My husband has gotten to hear some of it, but since he works and I'm home doing things with them. I'm the one who hears the majority of it. My inlaws, a doctor (FIL) and nurse (MIL), both would like to see this removed as well. While I agree, it's a good lesson in self esteem, but how much is too much? Life is hard enough on kids as it is....anyway, thank you all so much. Many of you reassured my feelings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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