Talk to her about the importance of having boundaries in her life, protecting her own personhood, behaving as an adult rather than a child and not allowing herself to be bullied. If you can teach her those things and how to stand up for herself, the marriage could be saved. Always remember that marital problems are never 100% to 0% when it comes to who is at fault. There are always two people involved and both contribute to the problem, even in the case of abuse. Of course, the abuser has a problem or he would not be abusing, but so does the one taking the abuse, or she would not be taking it. There is more of it today than there has ever been because parents do not take the time to teach their children how to draw healthy boundaries and then how to enforce those boundaries by choosing to be in relationship with other people who have and respect boundaries, as well. Too much whatever feels good, do it today!
at 8:21 AM on Aug. 12, 2009