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How as mothers can we help our children once they are grown to get out of mental abusive relationships, with out suggesting they leave there spouse

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sweetnhonesty

Asked by sweetnhonesty at 1:33 AM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • It's had if you're not going to make suggestions so...
    All you can do is say "if you're ever ready to get out of this situation I'm here for you and will help you all I can".
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:40 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Don't know, but i keep dreaming about a man I've never met.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • pp is stupid anyways whatever u do dont push her.. just when u guys are alone tell her u know if u ever need anything im here for u, even if its just to talk, and if she ever does react out to u.. drop everything to help her cause if u dont she might never do it and be stuck in that place for along time.. maybe get her out and away from her husband and talk to her or let her talk to u... just ask her how things are going normally that can start a good talk.. other then that just standby and be there for her so she feels like she has away out.. and when she is ready she will take it..
    miss_nevin

    Answer by miss_nevin at 1:47 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Well that is a great answer only its my son that needs out thank you for your feedback i will try that
    sweetnhonesty

    Answer by sweetnhonesty at 1:53 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • oh sorry well that works for a male as well, sorry just assumed.. its hard for u as a mom im sure but sometimes we moms cant fix the problem and we just have to standby and wait but telling him if he needs anything ur always there is a good way, and telling him alone is the only way make sure u dont make those comments infront of her, my sons dad use to be pretty abusive and i have to say that my mom telling me she was there for me no matter if i wanted to stay or leave meant the world and knowing i could depent on her meant the world as well. now he has changed but I still wanted out and I knew when I made that choice that I could depent on her to drop everything and be there when I needed her. also seen people try to get out and had no one to help or the people they though would help didnt have time and that really either makes things worse or makes them stuck and then they stay stuck..
    miss_nevin

    Answer by miss_nevin at 2:04 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Talk to her about the importance of having boundaries in her life, protecting her own personhood, behaving as an adult rather than a child and not allowing herself to be bullied. If you can teach her those things and how to stand up for herself, the marriage could be saved. Always remember that marital problems are never 100% to 0% when it comes to who is at fault. There are always two people involved and both contribute to the problem, even in the case of abuse. Of course, the abuser has a problem or he would not be abusing, but so does the one taking the abuse, or she would not be taking it. There is more of it today than there has ever been because parents do not take the time to teach their children how to draw healthy boundaries and then how to enforce those boundaries by choosing to be in relationship with other people who have and respect boundaries, as well. Too much whatever feels good, do it today!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:21 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I don't have much advice, just make sure you don't withdraw. Maintain contact with the person who is being abused. There is a book called "Boudaries" by Cloud/Townsend that helped me when I was being walked all over by my ex - if you can give him a book without offending him that might be a good place to start. It actually addresses both to the abuser and the abused, so you might want to give it to them as a anniversary present? (My parents gave my dh and I a marriage book on our first anniversary - not that we're having problems, but just to strengthen what's already there and because the traditional first year gift is paper)
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:42 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

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