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Am I being selfish?

My dd is starting college in Sept., she has 3 girls. The oldest two will be in school all day. The baby will be 1 on Sun. She is getting child care assistance from the state, so is putting them in daycare. The older two will only be there after school. The baby would be there all day. Should I offer to babysit the baby? She hasn't asked me, but she has said she doesn't really want to put her in daycare, but she will. I have done alot of babysitting for alot of the other grandkids, still have a 3 year old full time. But I am so tired. I feel like I'm not sure I can take on a baby full time. But I feel guilty for not offering. I love all my grandkids, and love spending time with them, but I don't have as much energy these days. I'm afraid I'd be so stressed all the time. So should I feel guilty? Well I will anyway! lol...but Am I being selfish?


Asked by robinann5 at 8:40 AM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • First, you don't need to feel guilty for this. Second, if you really want to help her, why does it have to be an all or nothing situation? Could you say something like, "I know you don't want to put the baby into daycare full time. Unfortunately, I'm not able to take her full time myself, but how about if on Tuesdays and Thursdays (or Wed afternoons, or whatever), you bring her over here?"

    That way, you can set the amount of time that you feel comfortable providing child care, but you aren't having to commit to the whole thing. But keep in mind, either way you don't have to feel guilty about this. I'm assuming your dd has found a safe and respectable day care, so it's not like you're saying "I don't want to skip my facial, just lock the kid in your trunk". You're saying, I have raised my children, and I want to be a grandmother, not a full time babysitter. I will help when I can, as I can, and provide encouragement.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:51 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Oh don't feel guilty! It sounds like she's got it figured out for herself. If you want to take the baby one or two days a week I think that would be nice, but you are not obligated to take her full time or at all. Just because you have done it in the past doesn't mean you have to always do it. You could also just offer to do supplemental time for her, like if she is running late from school you can pick up the baby, or if she has a big paper to work on you can take the kids over night. There are other ways to help and be supportive without being a full time day care provider :)

    You did you're time, you should be able to ENJOY being a grandparent (you've earned it!). Don't take on more than you are comfortable with.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:51 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • lol the first pp said exactly what I was trying to say, in a much better way :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:52 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • No, it's not selfish of you at all. I agree with the other two posters - if you can take the youngest one or two days/week it might be nice for both of you, but you definitely shouldn't do it out of obligation.

    Answer by missanc at 9:05 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Don't feel guilty!! If you know it might be hard to give the child the time and attention it will need, then don't. If you want to help, offer to watch the kids in the evenings or weekends so your duaghter can study.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • "I don't want to skip my facial, just lock the kid in your trunk".

    My favorite thing I've read on Cafemom ever. This made me laugh so much!

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:29 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • You're not selfish. If you feel that you want to help out, offer to take the toddler once a week after daycare or on a Saturday so she can study.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • If it were me I would offer to watch my grandchild. I wouldn't want my grandchildren in daycare. But that's just me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • If you don't want to don't offer. because when you decide you can't take it she is screwed until she can find a good daycare. Why don't you offer to find a daycare she can be comfortable with having her baby there all day

    Answer by tdoubleday04 at 2:14 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Thanks everyone for not making me feel quilty, I just feel I don't have the energy to watch her full time.

    Anon 11:24.....I totally understand, and that's why I'm having an issue with it. I have babysit for some of the other grandkids, but it got to be too much. I have a 3 year old I am already comitted to. I just don't think I can do a 3 year old and a 1 year old! That's alot for the young moms!

    I did help her find a daycare, it's about a 2 minute drive from me. I will be able to pick her up if she's sick or something. But I just worry and that makes me feel guilty. My heart says I should watch her, my body says....NO! lol

    I am going to let my dd go ahead with her plans. She is the mother and I have to trust that she knows what she's doing. I know she doesn't want to put too much on me....but I also know she will if she has no other choice. So maybe it is best for me to let her take this responsibility.

    Answer by robinann5 at 5:43 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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