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My BF told me to stop talkin to him about my daughter..

I have a 9 yr old dd who is a good kid for the most part. However, she has been gettin in trouble lately for different things like her attitude, flirting w/boys & not listening. That has straightend out some, but yesterday i went to pick her up from her grandmas, she tells me that my dd has been "playing w/herself lately".. so i'm like WTF?? I'v noticed my dd havin her hands in her pants at home too, but I just always thought it was b/c she has a lot of hair "down there". So i told her grandma & she still thinks she's playing with herself. So i took my dd home & talkd to her, told her it was inappropriate & to stop it. Then I called my bf to tell him & he got pissed off & told me he's tired of her always embarrassing us & he's sick & tired of hearing about the stupid stuff she does. Then before he hung up on me, told me to stop talkin to him about her. We still live together & hes not her bio dad & we have a 1 yr old tgthr.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • lose the asshole
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • and he's your boyfriend... why? if he doesn't want to share in your life, it doesn't sound like the relationship is going to go anywhere. sorry, hun. he's a jerk. doesn't matter if he's the bio dad or not.
    MaMaLaLa369

    Answer by MaMaLaLa369 at 9:16 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • He is embarrassed and doesn't want to talk about her? I agree, lose the asshole.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I know it's hard essentially being an only parent. You feel like you need to talk out everything that's going on with your daughter to someone else so that you can figure out where to go next. However, talking to your boyfriend about your 9 year old daughter and her tendency to touch herself is not appropriate. I have to agree with him. That would make any man, even her own biological father, uncomfortable. I don't believe the problem here is with your boyfriend.

    I recommend talking to your daughter. She is at an age where things are going to start changing for her. She needs to know what's about to happen and she needs to hear it from her mother. Don't mention anything about noticing her with her hand in her pants. Just sit her down and talk to her about what's going to happen to her body over the next few years. If she understands what's going on she won't be looking around her body trying to figure it all out on her own
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 9:22 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • If he's saying this stuff to you about YOUR BABY - imagine what vibes she may be getting from him. It sounds as tho he's disgusted by her and usually when someone gets to that point they no longer try to hide it. So imagine what she might feel when she gets weird looks from him (rolling of the eyes) huffing under his breath, slight answers, quick to point out flaws or have an attitude with her or worse not talking to her at all.

    She's obviously going thru somethings and perhaps just maybe the reason she's acting out could be because of how she feels about his place in your home and your relationship. Don't EVER think kids aren't affected by things we see or don't see. You need to do something with her like take a walk with her, have lunch out, go to the park or whatever and find out the REAL reason for all of these things she's been doing. Also let him know how it's affecting her and let him know while you love...
    Ladybugkisses76

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 9:25 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • For his part though, making a comment about being sick of her embarrassing the two of you was way out of line. It was insensitive to say the least. I don't know if it's worth dumping him over but I still say there are things he SHOULD be left out of the loop on.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 9:26 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • A bf, needs to accept your child too. If he's interested in a long term relationship with you he needs to accept your dd and whatever issues she may be having at the time. This would really upset me, not what your dd is doing but the totally lack of support from your bf. He is not going to be good to have around your dd, or for that matter your baby. What kind of a father will he be? Maybe your dd growing into a young woman is making him uncomfortable, but that's part of the package. When you have children and met a new man...you come as a package deal....they either accept that or move on.

    As far as what your dd is doing, I don't really think it's that abnormal. She is growing and discovering her body. Just have a talk with her, and explain to her that that kind of touching herself is only to be done in private. Say only in her bedroom.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:27 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Maybe dd has a vaginal infection or heat rash 'down there' surrounding her different entry places? I get heat rashes alot. A vaginal infection could have a yellow or white discharge, an unpleasant smell even a fishy smell. Also randomly from heat I get a pimple that I just have to keep extra extra clean. Maybe suggest that she uses cornstarch for absorb sweat there. A lot of girls start there periods about your dd age too. One of my daughters got her period right after she turned 11yo but others get it even earlier.

    Your bf I think is being a jerk but that's a guy for you. Just take care of your daughter and don't make her feel guilty even if she's is playing touchy feely. Verbally tell her gently its' done in private but say that heat and infections even without sex can make us more sensitive there. Could she have been abused by someone that she's in pain there? MAKE sure o that. Also, randomly girls do have sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Cont-
    him your kids come first and if he wants to continue your relationship and continue living like a family then he's gonna have to get over the embarrassment and jump on board with helping her out. If he goes for it great then the two of you can iron out what's been going and if he's not on board then see him to the door. He needs to know that with you and your kids it's ALL of you or bye-bye.

    Ladybugkisses76

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 9:28 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • he DID overreact & that was wrong of him, but maybe he just didn't want to hear about that particular incident. that is personal and should be kept between mother and daughter. you don't need to tell him every little thing about her. tell her that's something that is to be done in private. she's just curious about her body.

    i'm anon because i'm tired of ppl bashing my answers, the whole point of asking q's is to get a different point of veiw, not to bash others.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

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