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A parents opinion please!

We have a great kid at school. Late birthday, smaller for his age, immature as well. We suggested he repeat Kindy to take time to catch up with his peers. Academically he is borderline, nothing too horrible, just could be higher. The parents decided against holding him back due to the 'stigma' of it and instead went to several doctors until they found one that would medicate him. He is more calm, but in my eyes has lost that spark. I am having a hard time seeing it from the parents view, I am looking as an educator. Now, I know its their child, their right BUT- is the stigma of being held back so great that you would take this step? Since I am in education I see no stigma in repeating Kindy. Your insight would be great. Posting ANON to protect the child in case anyone out there is from my area and can figure out who the child is.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Aug. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • My DH and I struggled with this descion at the end of last year for our son. He turned 5 the day school started last year so he was the youngest one in the class. He did well and grasped the educational aspects but his maturity level was just not quite there. The teach recommended keeping hin in K again and that is what we decided to do. Here are our reasons - first, I would rather him repeat K than have to repeat a higher grade. The older kids get in general, the meaner they can be. Second - I would rather give him the head start now and help him succceed.

    I am not against medicating, but I am against medicating when all other resources have not been tried first. There are some children with a real need for it but most kids just need a little
    more guidance and extra help with school and social situations. JMO

    Answer by MrsHatch4 at 10:45 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I don't think medicating over repeating Kindergarten is a choice that I would personally make, however I know many parents today that don't see a problem in medicating their children. My own son has a late birthday (Sept. 5th) and started Kindergarten last year at age 4 turning 5 a few weeks after school started. I went in with the knowledge that I might be told he wasn't ready and was fully willing to pull him out and wait until this year. In my situation it worked out fine, he was ready and at or above where he needs to be academically. If it hadn't, I would have pulled him no questions asked and I wouldn't have even thought of taking him to a doctor for evaluation! I would have just thought, oh he's too young we'll try again next year.

    Answer by MynTop at 9:57 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I don't think I would drug my child just to keep him from repeating a grade. Espically if it truly affects him the way you say it does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I think parents do over medicate their children and I also work for the school sysytem and see that parents are doing their kids harm by moving them onto the next grade level when they are not ready thus making it impossible for them to want to even graduate in the long run just because a parent is in denial of what their children are actually capable of doing and don't wnat them to have a stigma about repeating the grade when it is in the best interest of the child to do so.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • If the boy's spark is still gone come the new school year maybe that year's teacher could comment to his parents that he seems less happy than records from previous year show? It is hard to be told a kinderg. doesn't match up to standards, that's the first year of schooling for some kids. Parents have nothing to compare school's claim of lack of learning against previous years cause previous year or years' academics for the most part do not exist in kindergarten.

    I'd try to get someone, a teacher an aide, to be positioned by the boy in gym class on the playground, in recess, lunch to observe if other kids are bullying. Bullying between kids happens at all ages. But the observing has to be longterm to get fair observing.

    Standards are too strict, kids who don't draw a perfectly square house in kindergarten are thought to be academically challenged. Maybe the boy just needs academic nurturing and praise for his accompli.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • In my opinon too many kids are over medicated and about 95% of them would have benefited from being Held back just one year. Parents are lazy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:05 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • The fact that they had to go to several doctors should have been a clue to them! They're doing him a disservice.

    Being held back in Kindergarten doesn't have a stigma except with some other kids and the parents. If they take the attitude that "we did what we felt was best" then no one is going to say anything (well, they shouldn't)

    I do remember one kid in my kindergarten class who was held back. I don't remember his name now (it was back in 71! lol) and I do remember those of us who "passed" did talk about him. For about a week. Then it was forgotten.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • well I have a child that has a growth disorder and if size was an issue for holding him back so he can catch up to his peers he would have been in kindergarten at 8. Size shouldn't be an issue. Acedemeics should be. But I had a child I held back in 1st grade cause waiting until the school district thought it was time (3rd grade) she would have wasted 4 years of school and by then hated it. And I agree too many people medicate before trying other ways. Honestly it's the parents choice. You have to stand by them.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 11:19 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Medicating the child is cruel. If it were my child I would have opted to hold him back. After all, it's a low level grade, no one will notice, and holding him back will help him immensely in the future. Pushing a child at that age is cruel. They need time to develop and get ready on their own. The parents should adapt to the child's needs, not vice versa.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • It has to be heart breaking. Ouch. Maybe in a couple of weeks or whenever mention that _____ is much less active this year but that he seems to have lost some of his spark, love, excitement for learning.
    I don't even know, its one of those things that is truly up to the parents but I do know what you mean.
    Thank you for caring as a teacher, being more concerned about the childs spark than his ability to sit still.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Aug. 12, 2009