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anyone married and had a roommate?

my dh friend got kicked out of where he was living, and said he had no where else to go, or anyone else he could stay with . so dh said he could stay here for a little while.he got kicked out of where he was living, (with a another married couple) because he broke some of their rules. he's not supposed to be drinking cause hes a recovering alcoholic, but he decided that he wanted to get drunk one night.so hes here now. i thought he was only gonna be here for a few days or a week maybe, until he could find his own place. but hes not even trying to look for another place to live. he has a part time job, but only works like 3 days a week and doesn't make nearly enough to pay us rent or anything.i don't want him to live with us. i don't like having roommates, i like having alone time and privacy. i stay at home with my dd,and they only time i get a break is when she is in bed. i can't even have that anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I’m used to my routine and I like things the way im used to.I feel like he is wearing out his welcome. He doesn’t pick up after himself. Leaves the toilet seat up, doesn’t wash the dishes he uses or clean up the mess after he cooks. I hate cleaning dried up food off of the stove. He bought his own food, and still eats ours with out asking. And when I wasn’t home one day he took it upon himself to drink some of the alcohol we had, I guess he thought I wouldn’t notice it was missing. Since hes been staying here, for almost two weeks hes been going to aa meetings. What is the point of that if he is gonna drink anyway? I really don’t feel like he is trying to get his life together , and I don’t think he plans on leaving anytime soon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • all he does here is watch tv, sleep and smoke his cigarettes. he says up late watching our movies, and sleeps till 3 or 4 in the after noon on the days he isn’t working. I told my husband how I feel about him staying here, and I know he is trying to help his friend out, but he doesn’t understand because he isn’t here most of the time he works 60 hours a week. He said he was gonna let him stay here for a month, and after that he had to pay rent if he wanted to keep staying here. I don’t want him to keep staying here. I’m sorry if I sound mean, but I want my house back. Anyone else deal with something like this? What should I do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Kick him out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I'd toss him right out the door. That's just too much to put up with.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:12 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • You need to sit down with both DH & the roomie & work out a plan. Figure out exactly what roomie plans to do as far as a full time job, new housing, etc. From that, decide how long he can stay. This man is not contributing to your household & is making your life very difficult. DH needs to understand that his wife & DD come before friends. Once you get a plan in place, accept it with grace & start counting down the days until roomie leaves. You also need to establish house rules for the time he will be there. He needs to pick up after himself & work for his keep.

    You have the right to have your home the way you want it. You & DH have made your life together & you have the right to keep that. It is wonderful that DH wants to help his friend but this situation is fast getting out of control & needs to be contained quickly. Good luck!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 12:16 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • you will have to put your foot down. I wouldnt want him there either. alcoholics have a tendency to not help themselves unless they have to. He may make u out to be the bad guy, but in relaity his problem is not your problem and he created them himself. he is only working part time and being unproductive the rest of the time. He needs to be booted out. You arent doing him any favors by letting him stay just prolonging the inevitable. i would tell hubby you feel really sorry for him but you cant take it and it is causing too much strain. Set a deadline maybe 3 days and tell him you are sorry but this isnt working for you guys and you would like him out by friday....
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:21 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • First of all, you need to understand that alcoholism is a disease and is going to take time. There has to be something in your life that you were doing and you tried to stop and ended up doing it a few times anyway. No one is perfect. Now, if you lost everything would you want someone to kick you out because their routine is messed up? You need to sit down and make some rules. Everyone needs to sign them and post them up. He needs to get out of the house and look for a better or another part time job. He also needs to clean up after himself and do some chores. Once the rules are established, then you can kick him out if he doesn't abide by them. I think you need to be more patient and try to imagine yourself in his shoes. You have no idea how easy it is to slip into alcoholism, and if he has a family with this disease, it is not all his fault. Good luck.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:22 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • He's your dh's friend, I would have your dh talk to him and tell him either he can stay and pay X amount in rent (whatever you think is fair, even if it's more than he's making - he can get a full time job!), or he needs to be out by Y date.
    I imagine it would be very stressful having someone here - I value my alone time too! Good luck with your situation - I would be interested in knowing how it goes.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:30 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • since he's living with you and your husband, you should set up some house rules to get him to understand that nothing is free...on that same hand, he's battling a disease that he has no control over and your husband is being a good friend by allowing him to stay with you guys...I know it's difficult for you right now but the rewards will pay off later, regardless if this guy gets his act together or not...but there should be some ground rules in place for your household.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:41 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • be the woman of the house and tell him what u expect of him. ur the one who has to be at home with him all day. tell him that it wasn't your idea for him to be there and the sooner he gets another place the better. Furthermore, he can either get another job or leave the house during the day so u won't feel uncomfortable in your own house while he sleeps. don't let your husband's pity or whatever ruin your family's home. tell him that he needs to require his friend to respect your home and family. let this person know that he has disrupted your life and he needs to show respect.
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 1:53 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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