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How can I be her friend?

My friend has been verbally abused by her mom her whole life. Just last week, her mom calls her a fat whore because she noticed she had pierced ears. (my friend is 34 yrs old). My friend had learning problems and didn't finish 5th grade, and her mom is bringing up all the time how stupid she is. I tell my friend to cut her mom out of her life, but she doesn't. She puts up with it! She is independent and fun, except for this creep she allows to control her mind. How would you be a friend to someone like her?

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Asked by tigerlily721 at 12:17 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • I would go to her mom's with her and listen to her bad mouth her own child. Then I would tell her mom off, maybe if someone stands up for your friend, she'll see that she is worth something.

    Answer by feesharose at 12:21 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I would find it very hard to know what to say to your friend. Does she even understand what her mother is saying to her? It is very hard to get your mom out of your head. Mind wasn't the best and even I have a hard time forgetting some of the things she said to me. I don't know if it is an education thing, but if she has learning problems she may think this is just how mom's are. She never knew any different. If she isn't willing to cut her mom loose, I would just try to tell her that her mom is wrong and that she is a fun, kind, beautiful woman. Maybe if you build her up when her mom cuts her down she may see it differently.
    Good luck you are a good friend, everyone needs someone like you on their side!

    Answer by wallmom1 at 12:24 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Thats a tough call because we all have a bond with our parents no matter how they treat us and I would be very careful getting involved if I were you. I would be more inclined to tell my friend often that she is a valuable person no matter what her mean mother has to say about her. I would stay away from saying anything to the mom as it could easily cause your friend to see you in a different light even though she cannot see that its really the mom who is in the wrong.

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 12:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I know you only want what's best for your friend but you cannot ask her to step away from her mother....that's wrong and her mother is wrong for belittling her the way she does. If this woman dropped out of school in the 5th grade, that says alot about the mother right there. You can be a good friend to her by getting her some help...she needs support and strength from her friends in order for her to be strong enough to deal with her mother and stop her mother from degrading her...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:35 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Give your friend compliments all the time so she doesn't believe what her mom says. I would call her mom anonymously and go off.

    Answer by busymom1107 at 12:45 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I was thinking that it is my friend that needs to stand up to her mom. I wasn't able to stand up to my mom till I had gotten married and wasn't around her as much, and I was seeing how others saw her. My mom isn't as bad as my friend's mom, though. That woman is evil. I'm hoping that by being a friend and building her up, she'll begin to believe just how special she is and that she is valued by so many people. It's her mother that's missing out.

    Answer by tigerlily721 at 12:56 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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