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My unborn babys dad decided he didnt love me anymore, we are now living apart. He and his family drink every day. I NEED ADVICE I grew up never knowing where my mom was, probably only saw her 5-8 times a year. I would feel sick thinking about where she was, I dont want my baby to have this pain. I know its a long way off, but I am worried. Whats better wondering why you dont have a Dad, or wondering why Daddy only comes around once in a while?

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littlemamma539

Asked by littlemamma539 at 5:40 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (9)
  • I think you need to do the best you can at being open and honest with you're kid. Don't try and "protect" their feelings by making up stories why Dad isn't around. You're job is to love them 3Xs as much and do all you can to let this dad be involved. It will be hard, since there is alot of emotional baggage there, but give him lots of opportunities and chances, especially at first when baby can't ask "where's daddy?". He might surprise you! Good luck, and I'll be praying for you!
    amberkry

    Answer by amberkry at 5:44 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I kind of had a bit of both. My father has never been around. The last time I saw him was when I was 12.....11 years ago. I wrote him when I was in high school and responded a couple times, but then stopped. I dont think either is better, honestly. But as your child grows up, you just tell him, some people are not made to be parents, but that you love him/her more than anything. Knowing they have you.......it definitely helps alot.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 5:45 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • i always said if something happened i would never deny my child visitation to their dad. with that said, things happen. i tried to be pc about everything, i even had the donor at drs appts. what did i get in return? he told me that if i tried to get child support, he'd just say it wasnt his, so i would have to pay for a DNA test. Come to find out he was still "technically married" as he liked to put it. yes they were separated, but still legally married. when i went into labor my mom sent a message (since i was a tad busy) to tell him i was having the baby, he said ok, and slept through it. then scolded me for not calling him again. since then only contact he's had is tryin to add me on myspace to see pictures. im now married to a wonderful man, who is all the daddy my son will ever need. i feel bad that i will have to explain this to my son later, but to me its better than the constant disappointment he could have.
    AmandaN1

    Answer by AmandaN1 at 5:49 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Oh and dont try to keep the child from his father, unless it's for good reason (like abuse). At least then, it cant be blamed on you. My mom never kept me from mine. And my mom has told me many times, he's not a bad guy, he's just stupid. Never bad mouth the father. That can ruin a kid more than the father not being there (same for if its a mother).

    If they ask why aren't you two together, just say a part of you will always love him(or care for him) but you were just not right for each other. It helps to hear things like that.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 5:49 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Well you can't change the fact that this man is the father. You just have to love your child, and let them see their father as much as he will. The child needs to have a relationship with the father, if at all possible. If the father doesn't do his part, your child will see that as he/she gets older. But if you do your part, your child can never blame you. Never talk bad about the child's father to the child. Let the child have their own feelings. Which of those is better is hard to say....sometimes I'd like to say if the father was never around, but I"m not sure that's what is best for the child. No matter what he'll be your child's father....it's best he/she know him.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 5:53 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • It sounds like your child will be better off without these people
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • my SO & i just discussed your dilemma, as each of us has experienced either situation. we both say never having dad around would be better. my dad was in & out of my life all the time & still is & it's confusing and hurtful. SO's dad wasn't in his life at all growing up & he said he preferred this. although, i would say not to ever make up reasons why daddy isn't around. SO's dad was an addict & he knew that, my dad is a drunk & i've known that my whole life. be honest with your kid, he/she will appreciate it when they're older.
    Wheepingchree

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 8:00 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • when faced with the grim reality of the fact that the father of your kid isnt daddy material, you might as well go looking for a good replacement man, to be the live in father figure, you can go so far as to call one daddy and the other biological dad. it also will light a fire under his ass if he is at all interested in you. not saying to whore yourself out, but keep an eye out for men that otherwize might not be someone you would normally date for the sake of your kid.. all jmo
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 9:07 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • My daughter's dad is a LOSER. When she was a baby I was so worried about all of those same things. His family was exactly the same way. i went through a rough time after him and I broke up but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. My daughter is only 5 and she has never really asked me about her dad, I am sure someday she will but I know that if he was a part of her life right now it would only be half-ass and only the way he wanted to be. He has another daughter who is a few years older then mine and he is terrible to her...he only sees her when it's convient for him...he takes his girlfriend places that are kid friendly and leaves her at home...he disapoints her all the time. I am so glad I don't have to deal with all of that crap. It's not easy but you'll be a good mom and your love will be enough.
    Ladyj2121

    Answer by Ladyj2121 at 9:38 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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