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Do abusive men ever really change?

Is there a point in trying again for the millionth time or should I just give up?

What are characteristics of a man that WANTS to change?

And those that will just continue with the same abusive pattern?

Thanks so much..

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • 99% of them don't change. They say they want to and even say they have. If you were my dd, I"d tell you there is no sense in trying again, for the "millionth" time. You really can't tell if they have changed until you are living with them again, and something sets them off. Have you notice, since this isn't the first time, that the abuse has gotten worse since the first time? It will continue to get bad will it be next time? You don't know...noone knows. Are you willing to take that chance? I"ve been me it's not worth it.

    Answer by robinann5 at 5:47 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Usually a abusive man does not change. Starting a relationship with a different woman after going through therapy ups the chances of him changing his ways I have noticed. However I have never seen a abusive man stay with the woman he is abusing and change for the long term even after therapy.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • They change the day they move into their one-bedroom condo six feet down.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 6:34 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Mine did. Im a lucky one though. My boyfriend was abusive, mostly emotional. But had just started being physical. I had enough when at 7months pregnant he hit me in the face. I walked out on him. I should have stayed away, but I think he scared himself more than anything when that happened. He snapped out of it and 9 yrs later, he has not emotionally or physically abused me again..It woke him the hell up, but I know he is one of the few.
    My best friends hubby abused her (threw her down the stairs, kicked her, punched her etc for 9 years. she finally left after he almost killed her. He will never change. Its possible, but if their real bad, I dont think he will.
    I was lucky

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • They will change if it's important enough and if they try. More often than not, they won't. You can't save him but you can totally transform your life into something new, safe, special. I'd let go and move on. Really move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • leave get out the sooner the better men like this dont change unless like another woman said he gets therapyy and a new girlfriend (not that you are the problem but he already knows you will allow it) it will only get worse

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 9:01 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • The only person that can make him change is himself. Therapy may help, but they usually go back to they way they were before and sometimes get worse. The only way to stop the abuse is to leave and when he snaps and comes after you (which they usually do), file a restraining order. Or, better yet, file one now and then have the police make him go. But before you go, get your ducks in a row and have family or friends to help by emotional suport or a place to be safe. Good luck to you. This is no way to live, but you can take charge of your life and change the way YOU live.

    Answer by wolftheef at 9:53 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • thanks for the replies!

    I think i know what I have to do. it's hard...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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