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Do I deserve better? Is this enough to leave?

I feel like my husband is unmontivated, doesn't understand me and I feel like we're always on different pages. We've been going through counseling but he seems to think I'm the problem in the relationship not him. I know it takes two to make a marriage work but it also takes two for it NOT to work.

I don't think we're working. But how do I know for sure?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You know the answer. Only you can determine if you want to stay or go or deserve better. Good luck.

    Answer by Tetona at 8:50 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • take a separation and see if that helps if it dont help and yall dont start getting on the same track then no yall are not gonna work. separation either makes or breaks the relationship

    Answer by ggiovanni at 8:50 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Man I just went through the same thing you are talking about. I didn't let my guard down about the important stuff (work, parenting, being motivated for the future..) but I did chill on the stuff that really didn't matter. Whenever I thought about leaving, I thought about all the stuff and ways we are compatible and him being the father of our child(ren). We did do a separation after he got laid off and refused to look for a job (he got unemployment) but still wanted to go out and hang out and spend, then not want to watch our daughter (or watch her watch TV all day!) while I started a new job. He's so much better and so am I and so are we. Our marriage counselor wasn't very helpful, but it did help us to realize how much we love each other. DH actually googled "nice things to do for your wife just because".

    Answer by Seven07 at 9:00 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I thanked him after one really good w/e and told him that him helping the way he did and being supportive was how I registered that he cared. Although I always knew he loves me, I didn't feel loved and I didn't feel we worked together because I SAHM and we work/school 16hrs a day then on w/e he didn't want to do 50/50 when I really just wanted him to at least play with our daughter outside because I haven't been able to much sunce going on maternity leave being so pregnant. I think he gets it now.. I'm sure we'll have glitches down the line. I remember he works hard and he realizes now it doesn't take much to make me happy/loved/supported.

    Answer by Seven07 at 9:03 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I think your counselor would be better suited to answer this than us

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:20 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Sorry I also wanted to add, that I'd been feeling the same way we'd been going through it for almst a year... we recently had our major break throughs, a few months ago was when he enrolled in school and landed his job. And the w/e I was talking about was this past w/e. Every other w/e he'd want me to relax with him and I'd never get anything done so it'd mean more work during the week until I finally couldn't keep up.
    You can pm me if you want. I'll stop hijacking the post so others can weigh in with their perspectives as well. :) But when I was at the beginning of all of it and people told me there is light at the end of the tunnel for the both of us, I didn't want to hear it. I refused to stay in a marriage with a little boy, and I made him be the man that he is! :) We both did a lot of give and take.

    Answer by Seven07 at 9:21 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • You do know. Now you need to plan for the rest of your life.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:55 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • i am. very carefully. I wanna do this with a clear mind. Not with my emotions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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