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Am i in the wrong???? PLZ HELP

my husband is a porn guy, (as i've posted before) its gotten so bad that i don't know what to do anymore, i told him that if he ever did it again, i was going to leave. its hurting our relationship, and ruining our family. he has tried hiding it from me, and said he wasn't doing it anymore,(lies) because i would be looking on his comp. and i find out he's lieing to me again, so when he calls from work i ask him to be honest w/me and to tell me if he's done anything lately. and i get the typical same answer from him, 'no i haven't done anything, why can't you just trust me?!' (ya he had the nerve to say that to me) well i tell him i know he's done it and he says 'no' until i say the site he's been on, and when it was. thats when he confesses.(of course only after alot of yelling and stuff first)well its been a few months since i found something, and he says he's stopped...but i can't belive him who knows maybe he's hiding it?

 
Wife_Mommy_18

Asked by Wife_Mommy_18 at 9:26 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (35 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • if its not in his history hes probably not doing it i had the same problem with my husband. he still looks at it but he doesnt hide it from me. which it what i had a problem with
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • i dont see the problem in men or women watching porn. guys are visually stimulated and it's a normal guy thing to be fascinated by people having sex on tv or the computer. as long as it's not affecting your sex life as a couple, i don't see why he shouldn't be able to jerk off every now and then to porn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • if you have threatened to leave him if he says he has then why wouldn't he lie? You sort of forced him in to that so don't blame him for the lie. He obviously has an addiction and instead of encouraging him to get help for it you want to punish him and leave him. That's not being very understanding. Sorry if that sounds mean but be supportive to the man don't attack him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:32 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • the more you nag and push him, its only going to push him to look at it more. When your nagging and yelling at him your undesirable....so hes going to look at something that is desireable and doesnt nag the hell out of him. My Best Friend was having this problem, he told me the more his wife nagged him the more he wanted to be away from her, and so he ended up looking at it more. Their divorced now, and without her yelling at him, hes more relaxed and never goes on those sites naymore. it was his escape from a bitchy wife. just leave him alone and show him respect. Damn
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • What was he doing that it was ruining everything. Mine looks at it every once in a while and I could care less. Is he addicted or you just don't want him watching it period? All the nagging about it never helps. If I nag at my SO he just pushes me away and it's not worth it. You either need to trust him or leave if it is some terrible addiction that is ruining your relationship.
    Lauren24

    Answer by Lauren24 at 9:47 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • well im sorry that im the kind of person who wants thier hubby to look at disgussting sluts being slaves to aweful men on the computer, i mean what kind of guy wants to watch that anyways, i mean if u ask me its a little gay, watching some guys dick go in and out of a girs vajayjay, so ya. i mean he should understand that it hurts me when he watches it. and i was asking for advice on how to strengthen our relationship through it, so we can live our life happily. instead i get ppl who think that thier husbands watching that nasty crap is fine w/them. but in my eyes its like he's cheating. i wish someon out there understood where i am coming from.
    Wife_Mommy_18

    Answer by Wife_Mommy_18 at 10:04 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • you must have insecurity issues. dont take it out on him.. let men be men.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I understand your frustration by the responses but try to look at from his perspective. What is it about the porn that bugs you so much? I get how you see it as nasty but obviously he likes it. Therefore maybe you could try understanding him a little and not accuse so much. No adult likes to be scolded like a child. Be proactive not destructive. Do you really want to put your children through divorce over porn? I don't mean that in a bitchy way just something you need to consider. Instead of cutting him off from it perhaps set up some ground rules like when and how long or could you watch with him? Just consider it before y'all let your family get torn apart.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Have you asked him if there are times when he feels to watch it more then others? Like what triggers him to look at it. Sometimes they do it out of boredom or a stress reliever. Look past your hurt and try to see the big picture. Is he on the computer every chance he has or is it at certain times of the day or just random? Do the two of have sex and how often? Is he content with the amount? Him looking may make you feel inadequate but other than the porn, does he tell you he doesn't desire you?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • We are trying to understand...Im sorry your so hurt but men are visually stimulated. Its not cheating. Your lucky that all your husband does it look at porn every once in awhile. I definitely wouldn't break up my family over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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