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how do i handle a child that screams kicks hits and throws things at me when asked to do things?

i have a 7 yr old who is all of a sudden out of control. if i ask her to just clean her room she kicks me screams as thought she is being beaten,throws things at me or around me,crys like she is a baby,disappears and we have to search the neighborhodd for her.i am at my wits end with her this is not how i have raised my kids to treat me or hurt so much when she does these things al i can do is sit down and cry. help me please i want my daughter back!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (20)
  • Have there been any changes in the home that could be causing her to act out in such a manner? First of all DO NOT let her run off in the neighborhood, that is dangerous as ever, especially nowadays. That needs to be nipped NOW...PERIOD. My daughter is 7 and she would NEVER think to do that. As far as her change in behavior, sit her down and have a serious talk with her and try to establish some sort of reward program. Earning a sticker every day for good behavior and earning so many means she can choose a certain prize. The more she earns, the better the prize, even if it's just getting an ice cream cone from McD's. Or make her some special dollars. I made my daughters "Allison-bucks". Photocopied dollar bills that I had taped her photograph onto and she earns them for doing her chores and helping me out and can "cash them in" when she would like to for certain things. GL hon! This too shall pass.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • thanks for the advice! we have talked with her quite a bit about funning off. how dangerus it is.we have asked her what she would like us to do to help her. we are a very close family and ask our kids to always tell us if something is upsetting them.we have really tried many different reward programs. from a chore chart with stickers that earn money for each one,to letting them have a night where they pick what we do for fun that night. we have tried soooo many things.none of it works.i am hoping that when school starts it will get better. that maybe it is just her really missing her time and her things.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I have a similar problem with my 5 year old. Nothing works. I wish I could help you. I too hope when school starts he will act better.

    Answer by crazymom21 at 3:31 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Whoop her ass and learn to spell and type.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • tell her to clean her room. If she doesn't tell her YOU will clean it for her.....then if she does not clean it You do.......remove everything not necessary out of the room. that means all toys, all gadgets etc leave her 2-3 books to read her bed her dresser and a lamp. NO TV, radio, games etc. then store all of her stuff. If she wants her stuff back she will have to earn it back by being polite well mannered and no more taking off running in the neighborhood. I did this with my oldest son (only had to do it once) and he learned pretty quick that Mom means what she says. Sometimes you have to get VERY TOUGH with your kids. And if you cannot get control of her now you will NEVER be able to control her in her teen years !!!


    Answer by justgrape723 at 8:21 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • i can only say that any child of mine would do that one time.
    your kids are only doing what you allow them to do.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:05 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • An attention getting swat to the back-side

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • All of the above will work.Also, I found a really neat website called Handipoints and it helps. It is a reward geared program and you can make your on chore list, I call it a behavior list, I made a list of certain behaviors I expect out of my 5 year old and if she reaches her goals, she gets a reward. Like right now she wants to do after school activities. Soccer camp is the first one she wants to do, well she has to reach her goal of 300 points by Sept. 1 or she doesn't get to go. I have also explained to her that when she gets in trouble she has no one to be mad at but herself, because she knows what is expected of her and it is her own responsibility to behave right, no one else. I don't let her slide one bit, I nip anything in the butt right away. And she knows it. She use to walk all over me and I am well aware that it was my fault, I let her. Then one day I sat her down and said "enough is enough"

    Answer by LilCaprica at 10:15 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Please also consider talking to her doctor. While it could be a "stage" she is going through, there could also be a medical reason--especially if this behavior came on suddenly.

    Answer by AngelaPatton at 10:35 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • wow thank you to all of you who answered nicely ! all great advice.though i do believe in spanking it isnt always the answer as with her right now it does not work and it makes her scream worse.i am going to try all suggestions and just keep praying that god will help me and also help her.ant ot the anonymous person who is the spelling critique........ you try typing and spelling perfrctly when you have a kid throwing shoes at you ,and you are upset.i didnt ask for that kind of advice.sorry but i took that as rude!

    Answer by slvrmst at 11:08 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

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