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how do i get over my depression over a miscarriage?

I had a miscarriage 3-4 months ago and i still get depressed about it. I feel like it isnt fair. I want a baby so bad. i see my friends that got pregnant a month before i did and they are still happy and pregnant. it makes me mad. i see their sonograms and i think i should be getting those too. and my husband wont try again. he wanted a baby too butnow he doesnt want one right now he wants one but not right now. I feel like he is being selffish. Why is he giving up? he did it the first time tried for a baby and now he wont. it just doesnt make sense to me. and whenever i try to talk about he will try to avoid it. he keeps saying is i will get mad so we shouldnt talk about.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Aug. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • hugsI don't know but here's a hug and my condolences for your loss.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:03 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I'm sorry and it must be 10 times harder with him not wanting to talk about it.
    I went through it, and we never talk about it (my husband and I) and I will admit it was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. I would go out somewhere with my husband, and at first cry that I saw all these women with babies, then I started to resent them. I would always tell my husband, "how come people who don't even want a baby have them, but when I want only ONE, i get it taken away?" the only thing that would keep my mind off of it, was
    #1-trying for another
    #2- keeping myself busy-I think in one month I spent over 1200$ shopping to take my mind off of the loss.
    but I had to stop that habit fast, lol. I think you really need to find someone that u trust to talk to. after I lost mine, I stayed in bed for 1month, i wouldn't eat or anything. and I think that mad it 100 times worse. you really need a hug and comfort
    I'm sorry GOD BLESS
    Lovin_mybaby5

    Answer by Lovin_mybaby5 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I had 2 miscarriages before I had my son (now 5) it was very hard on both of us. (it seemed more hubby then me.) I just kept telling myself the little angel wasn't ready yet. after the 2 miscarriage we waited 1 year before trying again. I took prenatal vitaminseveryday that year. when we finally were pregnant with my son we didn't tell anyone (not even the potential grandparents.) till I was showing, it seemed easier to deal with it if it happened again with just the 2 of us, than having everyone feel sorry of sympathy for us.....give it some time, try to get back to normal. if the depression doesn't seem to go away talk with your Dr. you could be having a hormone imbalance, like postpartum depression. hubby too. good luck, stay strong.

    northcarolinama

    Answer by northcarolinama at 12:11 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I went through one miscarriage and one phantom pregnancy. I tried to get over them by pretending it didn't happen but that didn't work. So i guess talking about it helps. Also give yourself time to grieve, you deserve that much. I had two pregnant friends but instead of avoiding them i talked to them until i got used to them and until it didn't hurt to look at them anymore. I think your husband is hurting too and he needs to time to grieve too. Don't give upon him, talk to him and hopefully both of you can fing common ground.
    maimutsa

    Answer by maimutsa at 12:58 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Jump your husband and have fun making another baby!
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:41 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • It takes time, and you need to know that your husband is struggling with the same feelings as you are. You need to be patient with him and don't bring the subject up for a while. You know what his position is and you should honor that for now. He has not said never; he has just said, not now. One thing that helped me was my doctor's telling me that there very well could have been something seriously wrong with my baby and that's why it didn't make it to birth. That was somehow comforting to me, and I did go ahead to have three extremely healthy children. Sometimes, we just have to accept what is, knowing that there is no plausible reason for what happened. This would be a really good time to work on your marriage, establishing firm foundations for a home into which to bring a baby. Talk about how you want to bring up a child, what kind of discipline you will use, what kind of values you want to teach.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:17 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • You need to know that this isn't your fault. There are situations that are outside your control even when you know you want it more than anyone. I've lost babies and it's not something I'm proud of. I'm angry at myself for any number of reasons why I lost them even though it's been years since it happened. It is heart breaking and I questioned repeatedly, what was wrong with me? I'm pregnant again and this one is sticking and I count myself fortunate.

    Give yourself time to heal. You need that time to grieve and get back to you. Your husband is hurting too.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 10:14 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • try not to focus so much on having a baby right now. Try to rekindle your love with your husband. You are probably both blaming yourselves and hurting. Women need to talk and alot of men heal by working it out within themselves. He is afraid of more pain. Get yourself healthy and live your life. Miscarriage with a first pregnancy is very common. It doesn't necessarily mean you can't have one. Let your love bring another baby in it's own time.
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 11:02 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • HUGS! I had a miscarriage in 2004, I do understand what you are feeling and what you are going thru. There were 2 people who helped me to get thru this-
    #1- I was blessed with an awesome best friend- her love and support really helped me alot.
    #2- I talked to a therapist. I don't know if that is an option for you and your husband or not.
    For your husband, remember he is dealing with this in his own way. Maybe he is wanting to wait on the baby cause he fears loosing another? I think you 2 need to sit down and talk about the baby and take the time to mourn its loss. Give yourselves time to heal, and then discuss trying again. My husband was reluctant to have another baby at first too, we both took time to mourn our loss, and waited a while before trying again. We were blessed with the birth of our 3rd child in 2006.

    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:06 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

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