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What is a good age to stop allowing my daughter to see her father naked?

My daughter will be turning 3 this Saturday and up to now we have always had a very free spirit in our house. What I mean by that is that we never close my daughter out of the bathroom whenever we are going potty or taking a shower. Not even my husband. We have never made any issues about nakedness because we didn't want to draw attention to something that was not getting her attention in the first place. Never the less, she is starting to be a little curious about my husbands protruding part. We have explained that daddy is a boy and that she and mommy are girls with different body parts. However, I think it's time to start restricting her from the bathroom when my husband is going potty or taking a shower. I want to handle it gently and not just suddently say "you can't go in ther because daddy doesn't have any clothes on. She would not understand this sudden restriction. Any thoughts on how to handle it gently?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Aug. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Personally, I think you should tell her she shouldn't walk into the bathroom on anyone, because it's a private place, and it's not polite. That would be taking the attention away from what you are actually trying to keep her from, but teaching her not to just barge into the restroom on anyone.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I don't see what the problem is. If your daughter doesn't mind (because she is too little to understand modesty) and your husband doesn't mind (because he is a caring father that doesn't have weird thoughts) I don't understand why you are having such a hard time. I had one friend in HS that the entire family was openly nude around the house. I don't know if I truly agree with it or if I would have felt comfortable with it, but I think 3 might be a little young to have a problem with it. Everyone is different and some don't allow any nudity, even at birth. Little minds are made to learn. She is asking questions now because she hasn't learned yet. Once she knows, she will stop asking questions. JMO
    Amber115

    Answer by Amber115 at 2:11 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • While the bathroom is a private place, DH and I are naturists, and think the human body should be celebrated, not sexualized. So as long as both parties are comfortable, we plan to go on with nudity or semi nudity around our kids without stopping. No we're not perverts, no they won't have issues, nor will they be more susceptible to molestation. people have so many misconceptions about nudists/naturists. If anything, since I grew up as one, I have more confidence in my body, and I am really outgoing. Its a very healthy thing!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • i myself dont see the issue. me and my daughter live alone and when its night time and i am in the bathroom either taking care of business or bathing i leave the door open because she gets scared and feels alone. i have in the past had some questions as in why do you have hair and i dont but i just answer honestly because im a woman and your still a little girl. kids are just curious let them be there is no harm in telling the truth. she is 6 now though not as scared to be in a room by herself anymore..
    donnacarol09

    Answer by donnacarol09 at 4:23 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I agree with anon 2:12 and we are not nudist/naturist. We have no issue with nudity in the privacy of our own home and my 2 and 4 year old (girl and boy) both see both parents nude regularly. My 4 year old asked why I didn't have anything down there around age 3, but after a week or two of explaining that boys and girls are different he was fine and we moved on. I am sure my 2 year old will ask sometime soon about her brother and daddy too, but we again will just keep explaining until they stop asking. We have however taught the children that when the bathroom door is closed you stay out. If it is open then you may enter. That is because DH has issues going #2 with someone else in the room and I prefer for my daughter especially to not see me inserting feminine products (just what I need is her trying to mimic me with her toys or something). We have done that since day one though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I like the answer of restricting the bathroom as a whole when people are in it. That way she doesnt think she is doing something wrong, and she wont feell like her daddy doesnt want her around.
    H91king

    Answer by H91king at 8:36 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • lol! i had to laugh when you mentioned her curiosity of his "protruding part". Funny! We also did not have any issues w/ nudity, my daughter will STILL walk in on me when I'm pooping. But, she also knows she cannot do this w/ anyone else. She's not an idiot.


    But, to answer your question that is solely up to you. I had a friend who grew up w/ here dad always being naked around the house (they were super hippies). she said she was older when he stopped, she was like 9 or 10 & she still remembers it. She is a normal happy woman now too, she was not scarred at all. My daughter was around 3 when her dad started feeling uncomfortable about it. I don't think we even mentioned a reason why. I just said "daddy is in the bathroom, you'll have to wait" She still sees me naked all the time though. We have had the pubic hair talk & she knows it will happen to her too eventually. No biggie there.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:43 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I know where you are coming from. instead of saying daddy is naked don't go in there just say daddy is going potty, daddy is taking a shower he will be right out. I too never made a big issue out of my kids seeing me naked (they are boys) I always felt that if you made a big issue out of something it just makes them MORE curious. Just tell her then when people are in the bathroom we leave them alone. that the bathroom is private time

    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 9:02 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I agree with the first answer given. Something else you should think about is if she grows up thinking that it is acceptable to walk around the house nude or to walk into the bathroom whenever she wants, then how is she going to respond if she's visiting at a neighbor's or some relative's house, and the man of the house invites her into the bathroom and shows her his private parts? And how will you be able to teach her that her private parts are special and should only be seen by her and not exposed to every pervert on the street who might want to see them? The body is to be celebrated but there is a context in which it is to be celebrated. I think a 3-year old is able to understand the basics of that concept, and that's how I would approach it. It's not that you want her to be ashamed of her body, but rather that you want her to understand how special she is and that parts of her body are to be kept very special.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:04 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Children who are comfortable seeing their parents getting in and out of the shower or using the bathroom do NOT transfer this behavior to expect to walk in on other people in bathrooms everywhere they go! This just does not happen with children of normal intelligience with normal social skills who are not otherwise impaired in any way. So lets take that off the table! I think you should just make it a natural thing....Just gradually discourage her from spending time in the bathroom with either of you rather than making it off limits completely. Over time, have it be less and less until eventually she doesn't go in the bathroom with either of you. Don't make any big announcements about it....and don't make her uncomfortable about the whole thing. Give her something else to do when Dad is in the shower, don't invite her in...that sort of thing.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:33 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

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