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Im going through alot, And Im depressed. How do I explain this to :

Hello, let me start out by saying I love my family and friends so much. And try my best to be there for them. But the last few months have been HELL on me. I found out that I have Lupus and Fibromlygia. And that caused alot of depression. The pain is something else. And at times I feel like no one understand or cares. I feel like I have to listen, Or try to help others because thats what everyone exspects from me. But yet. Im falling apart inside. I feel like im on a roller coater and it wont stop. I dont want to hurt anyone, By saying right now Im dealing with too much I cant deal with yours also. But what do you do ? How do I let my family and friends know what I need, with out coming across mean or rude. I am hurting and upset. I feel lost. And I just want some time to figure this out. And I dont want them to feel like its them. I have so much going on. Other then this Also. What is the best thing to do ?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 AM on Aug. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'm going to sound insensitive but right now with this new news about your health you'd think they'd realize that your health is serious and you need support, you need encouragement and you don't need any added stress.
    I'm usually pretty upfront so I'd say "it's not that I don't care, but I've got a lot of things I need to work out right now, I can't deal with everything right now, I've got to concentrate on my health, reassuring my kids, and getting back in touch with myself and my body so I'll be able to figure out the best treatement, the best plans for my family etc.
    I'm sorry you're having to go thru this, my uncle has a disease that's kinda like a sister to lupus and he's had to learn his limitations and stress effects every part of the body.
    Take some "me" time and tell them "sorry but no drama, I can't deal with it right now".
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:16 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Tell them as much as you love them you need some time for yourself, like a few weeks to get things straightend out in your life before you can help them with everything thats going on in theres.
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 3:08 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I don't know. Maybe you could try this. To create no waves and to ensure your life is as calm as possible which is very important for your health and well being, just see your friends as usual, when they tell you their worries (as usual) just listen, only taking the bits you find helpful, then don't feel like you have to fix their problem, just listen, you could talk about yourself then and how things have effected you. Sometimes people just want someone to unload to but you don't have to give advice and you can unload too. Remember to relax your mind as much as possible as constant stress can lead to depression (I've been there). Put yourself first even pamper yourself.
    anon2343

    Answer by anon2343 at 4:22 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • You just need to be totally honest with them and tell them what you just told us. If they would become hurt or mad at you because of your honesty with them, then they were not your true friends to begin with. Friendships that don't work both ways are not true friendships. If you are the one doing all the giving and all the listening, your relationships are not healthy. Each of us needs a circle of friends to whom we can go for support and encouragement when we need it. So tell them the truth knowing that some of them may walk away, but don't let their leaving upset you at all. If they leave, the were only using you to meet their needs to begin with, and you will be much better off without them. You don't have to be the only giver in your relationships nor should you be. So tell them the truth, and let things work out however they will. At the very least, you will get more rest because there will be fewer demands.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:10 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • when i get that way i just turn off the phone n don't go anywhere. occasionally i'll call n say i'm not feeling social right now. ppl that know me understand that i get like that. do u hav a partner that can answer for you? are there social situations u can avoid or do less?
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 10:21 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • You can still listen but then follow it by asking "so what do you plan on doing about it?" That puts THEIR problems back in their court. If they con't then follow it with "I'll be interested in hearing how you dealt with it". (past tense telling them to fix it and come back and let you know). If they still don't get the hint then come out and tell them that you need time for you right now. Being honest with them may just get them to back off and possibly even listen to you and allow you a shoulder to lean on. I hear all of that is painful. I'm sorry you have to endure that. I hope you get to go to Physical Therapy and get help. I hear they can do things to help alleviate the pain.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:26 AM on Aug. 13, 2009

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