Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I wrong for not letting him see his only grandchild?

My son is 3 months only and has never met his grandfather. His grandfather use drugs... Heroine to be exact. He was clean for 5 years and then he started using again last Decemebr. So I dont want him around my son at all. And he thinks that I should let him see him. He is my SO's father and he has never been real father to him at all any ways. I have gotten into many agruements with the grandfather about it. He has stolen from his family to get drugs. And he use to steal my SO's things when he was a teenager. I dont want my son going through that. Am I wrong for doing this?

Answer Question
 
jeni0323

Asked by jeni0323 at 1:41 PM on Aug. 13, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Nope, you are right and don't let anyone bully you into doing what you know is best for your baby.

    My own Bio Father is a druggie and a child molester. His family is always trying to guilt me into letting him see my kids. Ummm...NO! I won't do it and either should you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Well, I think your intentions are pure. I think youre really concerned and I think thats great, but what if you were to just let him see him for an hour, supervised of course. Would that hurt? Regardless of his issues, he still has feelings and he still wants to see him and know what he looks like. Drug users are selfish, theres no denying that, but you can still have boundaries and allow him to at least look at the child. Its his sons child. Think about all the moms here at CM that are upset and cry because their parents and in laws want nothing to do with their children. That hurts too. I think its hard for people who havent experienced an addiction to really understand why they do what they do and be empathetic. Its obviously your choice, but I dont think he is going to harm your child. Hes just a person with a very destructive habit. Meeting your son might even give him something to live for...maybe? IDK, its your choice.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:48 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • The man has proven that he is untrustworthy. She has no obligation to him. He wasn't even a good parent to his own kid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I wouldn't. My biological mother who I haven't seen or talked to since I was 8 has not gotten to see my son either b/c she is all messed up on drugs and last I heard has aids. Its better for you and your lo to not be around stuff like that period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I think you have valid reasons for not wanting him around your child. What does your SO say on it? If he thinks his dad should be allowed to see the baby-- then I think there should be conditions like-- he can see the baby ONLY at your house, with both you and so present, he be stone-cold-sober--- not high at the visit.
    If your SO backs you and does not want his child around his dad.... then both of you should stand firm and say something like "sorry but we do not want you around our son. You are on drugs, and we don't want our child exposed to that".
    good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:28 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Telling him that he can't until he's clean should give him motivation to quit. If you allow supervised visits now, what are you going to do when the child is 3 and asks why grandpa has holes in his arm? Better to just start with firm limits now. I'm sure that this is a tough spot, and I also knonw he has an addiction, but he has got to overcome it if he wants his grandchildren in his life.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 2:33 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Maybe tell him the reason is pure and simple: the drug addiction, but that if he cleans up you would love nothing more than to have him in your son's life. It might be the motivation he needs to get some help. Not likely, because he wasn't motivated to seek help for the sake of his relationship with his own son, but addicts think first and foremost of avoiding withdrawal. You have every right to keep your child away from him, and I don't blame you for doing so.
    lvpenguino

    Answer by lvpenguino at 2:40 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I will tell you right now, that If you let him see his grandchild and he holds him, those drugs will seep through his skin into your baby's . I've dealt with that situation before and because he uses drugs he sweats it out through his pores and it will get onto any surface he touches. If that sounds strange to you, look it up on line or ask a doctor. Please just look it up. You don't want that in your baby's system


    shouting

    MoonPixie

    Answer by MoonPixie at 2:49 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • no you are not wrong. and until he is clean and sober...you should stand your ground.
    possummom

    Answer by possummom at 2:51 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I'm going to go the unpopular route here. As an outsider I guess I look at it from another angle. I think that you should agree to let him see him in a public setting like the park and ONLY if he is sober. Maybe seeing his grandchild and knowing how limited his visits will be because of his use he will try again to come clean. He has done it once he could do it again with the right motivation. You have to make that choice though, this is your child and not mine. You have every right to be angry at your dad for his drug use and every right to want to deny him access to your child. Tell him how you feel.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:11 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN