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I cant stand the thought of him being w/someone else... UGH!!

Right now I'm currently living w/my bf of 2 & half yrs. We haven't been getting along for a long time & its getting worse by the week. So we decided I will still stay at his house until I find an apt. We both know we need to end things, we tried counseling & its not working. When I think of not being with him anymore & living in my own place w/my kids (we have a 1yr old tgether) everything feels fine... BUT when i think of him being w/someone else & possibly getting married after we break up, it kills me inside! I dont know why. He's not a good bf &verbally abusive among other things.. so why does it hurt so much to imagine him w/another woman? I know thats going to be my biggest hang up when I finally get my own place. I dont want to be depressed over him anymore. He's never cheated on me but he's very mean with his words. When I leave i want to be happy with my life not depressed about who he's with. How do I deal?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Aug. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i think every woman feels that way. with an ex husabnd or ex boyfriend or even a man that was just a fling..i tink its in our nature! lol but what i do is just remember evry bad quality and the reasons you arent with him anymore and just say to yourself "if she wnats that then she can have it" and you know hes not the one for you,.and you know prince charming is out there waiting to find you:) good luck!
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 2:12 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • You don't deal with it, you get over it. You will be with someone new someday too. You're feeling this way because ya'll have a child together. My husband has cheated on me and it makes me sick to think about him with someone else...not because a love him, but because he is MINE! And he is mine because he is the father of my kids. I could live without him, but it would hurt for him to have someone else around my kids playing mommy. Just think about how happy you will be with someone who treats you good. Both of you deserve to be happy...even if it's with someone else. You will always love him, but that feeling will fade with time...just give it time.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 2:19 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Classic case of I don't want him but I don't want anybody else to have him either syndrome. You just have to swallow the pill and accept it. I am sure once you find a new man you will not have the problem. You are just grieving because of the almost ending to a relationship. Hang in there, it will get better, you just need time.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 2:23 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • idk how to answer this because that's probably the biggest thing keeping me here. I don't want him to find someone else. We have been together for 8 years but the relationship is shit right now. I know it's bad because our son is being affected by it. But I don't want him with anyone else adn it would break my heart if he were to find someone who made him want to be a better person. Right now he has the mentality 'Im an asshole and this is who I am. Im not going to change for anyone or make anyones life easier'. But that's how he is. I hate it. I hate every second of it. But it would hurt so bad if we ended things and he found someone and started treating her good, like he used to treat me. .....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • When you are not with him and get some self esteem you won't feel that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • Thanks anon 2:53 but I have plenty of self esteem. Now you go get some.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • You learn to put the past behind you and move on to a better future...I know that's easier said than done but trust me it works when you give your self a chance to get past the non-sense that lead to the break up...you learn to let go of the hurtful things he has said to you and be thankful that you do not have to tolerate the madness in his world...you learn to be thankful that the relationship didn't totally break you down and you learn to let it go...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:35 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • find someone else and you'll move on quicker.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:09 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I don't think it's a great idea to just jump into another relationship in order to get over this one, but if you go out and start having a life of your own.......let him know that you aren't comfortable with him bringing other women around to pick up your child, what you don't see won't hurt you.....and go out and get involved with things. When you feel good about yourself, you will wonder what it was about him that you wanted anyway. And....when you feel good about yourself, your next relationship will be healthier. I honestly think time on your own to discover who you are is the healthiest thing you can do, it's difficult, but you'll be so glad you did it. I know. I was married at 19, divorced at 23 with a child, got right into another relationship that didn't work.....then spent a couple of years dating but not in relationships, and learning who I was. Eventually, I met the man I've been happily married to for 21 years
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:18 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • So you don't want him? But you do not want anyone else to have him either? You sound like you would kill him if you wouldn't get in trouble.JMO
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:56 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

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