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Requesting prayers for an Anon mom who is using "safe haven" for her baby.

I think under normal circumstances that the Anon's question would have either been deleted, or at least several replies would have been for solicitation. BUT this mom is desperate. I realize that some may not have read all of the 76 replies (so far) but she replied 6 or 7 times on the first 3 pages.

Her last post so far was at 9:44pm 8/12/09 in which she was taking her 3-week old baby somewhere in Baltimore to drop her off under a safe haven provision. According to her, she used drugs, stopped while pregnant, is on the edge now trying to parent, but the baby was in danger from her boyfriend (an incident where the baby was crying & he flipped the crib) and her family won't help because the baby is bi-racial. Many have offered to adopt, she originally was looking for an agency, it seemed that she was in a crisis.

Maybe the baby is safe now, maybe the Mama is, but if she never returns to her question, please pray for her.

Answer Question

Asked by doodlebopfan at 5:37 PM on Aug. 13, 2009 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • that poor woman

    Answer by pookipoo at 5:38 PM on Aug. 13, 2009


    She's on the first 3 pages. Last post 9:44 pm 8/12/09. Good luck, Mama. We are praying for you!


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 5:40 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I also read this last night, and commented. I even called a Maryland crisis hotline. It seemed very real to me, and like you I've been concerned for both the mother and baby since reading the posting. I was glad to see how many concerned moms there were here on cafemom, and will be praying with you for both baby and child.

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:05 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • For me the saddest thing about this situation is that if she uses the safe haven law, there will be zero record of who the child's birth parents are and no way that child can ever reunite with it's birth parents, find it's roots and the answers to the all the live questions adoptees have. The abandonment feelings that she'll have cannot be appeased with "your mother made a loving adoption plan and chose the best parents she could". I know an adoptee who was abandoned at birth and she's so unbelievably hurt she can't stand to be touched. It's so very sad, I want to cry.


    Answer by onethentwins at 7:00 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I hope that the outpouring of responses she received gave her the strength to make a safe plan for herself and this child. Sometimes I think it just takes hearing some affirmation that you CAN do something to give us that nudge we need.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:10 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • ohwrite-I saw that you actually picked up the phone & called someone for her. That really got me. I could see her saying, "now what, now what?" She was on here for less than an hour an POSSIBLY took her to a safe haven. We may not ever know for sure. But praying for both of them.

    OTT-I am sorry about your friend. Unfortunately, dealing with the "here & now" is so much more than some moms can take. But, I don't think being taken to a "safe haven" vs abandoned is the same thing. This mom obviously cared very much. She could have let the SO injure or kill the baby, she could have left not knowing & saved herself. Or she could place her somewhere safe, so that someone else could love her & raise her. She tried parenting for 3 wks. That says something. One day they can both register & still reunite. God can do miracles. But we are in the here & now.

    Port-I, too, hope she had the strength to keep the baby & save both of them

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:30 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I read the 81 posts I so feel for this woman. I am saddend for them both. They are/were in a situation that wasn't safe. May God be with them both. I amwith you DOODLEBOPFAN! IF anyone hears from here please post it! EVERYWHERE! If possible.

    Answer by Baby4us09 at 11:41 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • doodlebrain - I agree with what you're saying, but that's not my point. The point is this child will never know that. Many adoptees have abandonment issues. When they were infants and birth mom was gone, they had no idea that it was "in their best interest", all they knew was that their whole world, their mother, was gone. Now those adoptees can be told why their birth mothers chose adoption and it can help them deal with those feelings of abandonment. This one never will. All she will know is that her mother took her to a safe haven and "abandoned" her. My friends birth mother may well have abandoned her for her safety and well being, but she'll never know and there's no way she ever can. It's a terrible loss and why the adoptee rights groups are against safe haven laws. My own verdict is still out on that one because obviously it's better than being dumped in a trash can, but I see their point and think it's heart breaking.

    Answer by onethentwins at 11:05 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • OTT-I knew I needed another 940 to respond to you completely. I knew it didn't sound the way I intended it, and was trying to be "hopeful". I totally AGREE with you! I could tell even reading my reply myself, that it wasn't sufficient, and I'll admit I was rushed trying to get a little one ready for bed.

    I am not arguing the point about your friend's specific situation and I certainly don't understand many laws as well as you do. You are right, of course, that the birth parent's won't be able to be traced like others are. This was/is a very sad & upsetting situation. However, this has given me as a PAP, a new "light" into safe haven situations. I DID see them as abandoned, but NOW I see it as loving, caring, & a possible safety issue. Yes, it's better than a trash can, by a LOT! And an AP would know that she was left at a hospital on not on the street. It's not a stretch to tell an adopted child that we don't know...

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:33 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • (con't) the circumstances that led to your being left at a hospital in order to find a family who could love them & raise them into the person that they were created to be. But that someone must have thought it was better than the situation you were in. We are thankful that someone thought enough of you to do that FOR you, because w/o them, you wouldn't be in our family today, and we love you so much.

    BTW, we have prayed for every parent whose children have been, or would be in our home. Still do.

    OTT-I am sad for your friend, and I don't have all the answers, obviously. I didn't mean to offend you at all. I could tell your heart was breaking for this little girl as you thought of your friend. I didn't mean to take anything away from her at all, but just was trying to bring some hope into the situation. I should have taken the time to answer you separately. I do care.

    "Doodlebrain", at your service. (smiles)

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:43 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

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