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Are you EQUALS with your DH or are you pretty much BENEATH him???

Not to ruffle any feathers, but my DH seems to think that there cannot be 2 captains in a ship. He is the King of the castle and I (his wife) should be SUBMISSIVE to him, in other words, do as he says, no questions asked. He says jump, I say "how high". He says creep, I say, "how low". He says swim, I say, "how deep".

Of course we have had many fights because of this. But I am just wondering if there are other wives out there that have this type of marriage and are happy? How do you do it??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • haha i wear the pants in this house...well lately i have because im preg and he doesnt want the battle..LOL

    but when im not we're pretty equal...what he's good at he leads, what im good at i lead.
    it works out for us
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 1:26 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • He's right to a point. In some families the women is the dominant regarding certain issues. I've always been assertive regarding certain issues (finances, childcare) and tend to dominate those. He is the dominant regarding other issues. It's kind of a blend of both options.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • LOL Dom123123.
    Nope, we're equals...if not some of the time.. I'm "above" him. He calls me "The Boss"
    I handle finances, he comes to me for big decisions and "asks permission" xD!! etc

    But in all seriousness, we balance each other out very well. I have my flaws and stuff that I'm good at, and he has his.

    But yeah, since I've been preg he goosesteps around me a bit more, and is quick to agree with me while I rant about "some bitch" lol.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 1:29 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Wow, never tried that one. Not attractive...seems to require brain removal and acceptance of a great deal of disrespect.

    Not a lot of people in the world have the fortitude to go the distance with me... and when I know more about a subject (we call it SME-subject matter expert), I will not budge. Or expect dh to when he's the SME on the topic.

    I know more about cleaning, cleaning products, horticulture, computer tech, childrearing, nutrition, food prep, hygiene, psychology and human relationships than dh. He knows more about his job, electricity, mowing the lawn, playing games, tv, movies and music than me. We argue, but a lot less than before this was all cleared up.

    This reminds me of a joke: My wife and I decided the key to a happy marriage is for the husband to make all the big decisions and the wife to make the little ones... in 31 years, there has not yet been a single big one. Whew!
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:30 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • My DH subscribes to a very basic idea: If Mama is not happy- no one is happy! And so most of the rules of the house are made by me. Of course I let him think that they are all his idea :P
    Emuu

    Answer by Emuu at 1:34 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • We are equals but, I tend to agree that there cannot be two captains. It works best for us he makes the decisions and I put my two cents in.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:34 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • We're partners. We talk. You can't love someone who is subordinate to you. You can't have respect for someone you consider beneath you.

    I suggest some serious heart to heart talks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I pretend we're partners but I totally wear the pants. No disrespect intended, it just turned out that way. Maybe I have better analytical thinking? But he's the breadwinner.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:48 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • My DF and I are equals. We believe in sharing the load. It works for all aspects of our relationship. In fact he offers to do things more than I would expect. He's very concerned with making sure he's keeping his share of the work load. It's very sweet.

    My father seemed to have this mentality of being the dominent one in the marriage. He believe a woman's place was in the kitchen and raising the kids while he went to work. He came from a diff generation. Times have changed and hopefully ppl are keeping up with that. I think it's only fair. It should be equal.
    geminigirl18

    Answer by geminigirl18 at 1:53 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Oh Lord...our house is sometimes a battle. That is what happens when two people try to run the show. It is hard and you have to compromise on some things that may be trivial to you. We are very different but I try to respect that and I think he should do that for me. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of fights about things because we are different personalities. I am more mellow and him more uptight. The best you can do is balance...or try too. There are times in fights where I just say "This is how I am...and I am trying to see both sides". You do what you can but never give up on yourself.
    Lauren24

    Answer by Lauren24 at 1:54 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

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