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Did I mess up big time?

Ok so there's this guy at church that I kind of like, I liked him years ago but he wasn't divorced (his wife had left him for another man but I think he had hopes she would come back to him). When they did divorce I was already married. Now I'm getting a divorce, started going to church and there he was again. He's very shy, so last night I spoke to him and we talked for probably an hour after church. I don't know what came over me, but I asked him if he wanted to get a bite to eat. He said he already ate about 2 hours before that. We talked for probably 15 minutes more after that and said our goodbyes, he never asked for my number or anything like that. I'm wondering if I have ruined this, was I too straight forward? I mean it's not like I'm in love or anything, I just find him attractive and so sweet. Should I just back off and let him make the next m0ve?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • He obviously can see you are in to him. Wait till you see him next at church and then let him approach you. If he doesn't then wait another week and ask him if he wants to go get coffee. See what he says. Take it from there. There is nothing wrong with getting to know someone a little at a time. Good Luck to you. It's so hard being on the dating scene again.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 8:25 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I would back off and see if he shows any interest. He might be thinking that morally you all should wait until the divorce is final. He might also feel that even though he is legally divorced, in the eyes of God, he is still bound to his ex-wife and unable to re-marry or else he's committing adultery. There are many who do feel this way. Or, he could simply be this clueless to "social cues" and not been thinking "she's asking me out", he might only have been thinking "I'm not hungry now."

    I am NOT saying that this is the case, or that you are wrong for having shown an interest in him, just what he might be thinking. But honestly, I think the only way to know his reasons would be to ask him, and I think at this point, THAT would mess up any possible friendship or more.

    Maybe, in a few weeks, if you happen to run into him at church again, say "maybe we can get together for coffee sometime" and see what he says.

    gl
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:29 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • You did good. Now let him make the next move.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:43 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • *OP*...I've worried myself sick about this all night. When I started going to church down there I didn't want people to think the only reason I was coming there was because of him. It wasn't, I had no intentions on him at first. I just can't deal with people thinking I'm man crazy or something LOL, I'm not at all. I think I'll just back off and see where he takes this....good idea?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Dont worry about what others think, I think you did good. I think you should just keep an eye out and let him make the next move for sure. That will tell you if hes in to you. You obviously showed him that you like him, so he knows. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:47 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Thank you guys, I feel much better about it now!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Yep. The guys who are really serious about marriage like to do the pursuing.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:37 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

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