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I am just so mad!!!

My son (2) has been having trouble adjusting to his new twin bed. He sleeps fine in it but I have to lie with him for 3 hours until he falls completely asleep. When my husband lays with him (not often) he falls asleep in only 10 minutes (I don't know why). Last night my husband got back late from work (he's a teacher and it was open house). I had our son all day long and was pretty tired, and I understand my DH was too. I put him to bed so DH could play one of his online games, it's his escape, I understand. But my son had a hard night and I had alot to do so I thought I'd let him cry it out this time-he gets really pushy with me and I don't want him to think that he can MAKE me stay in there and him not fall asleep. Nevertheless, it's hard for me to hear him cry. I came in to ask DH about it and he just stared at the computer. I know he was listening but I was visibly stressed and need help/advice and he (cont)

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • didn't even look at me when I asked it! I think I deserve the same respect as everyone else in his life (students, co workers, etc.). When i told him that he got really mad and said that we had been through the bedtime discussion before and that our son doesn't cause him that trouble so basically I must be doing something wrong! He also said that I couldn't do anything by myself without coming apart at the seams (SO not true because I have our son 90% of the time!). I just really needed him to either say I was doing the right thing by letting our son CIO or to tell me what he would do. My problem is that he never makes ANY decisions for our son-he helps but I make EVERY decision-and it gets taxing at times. I just wanted him to make the decision on what to do for once. (And to get a little respect). Does anyone else have this problem???

    Answer by Momincollege23 at 10:41 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I think almost EVERY parent goes through something like this w/ their partner.

    Maybe sweetly ask him his advice, like "what can i do to get him to go to sleep better, what do you do?" or "obviously you have a knack for helping him get to sleep, got any advice for mom?"

    If he is faced in the computer, gently ask him for his attention before you start talking. say "hey, i know your playing but can i bug you for just a second?" If you come off as non=offensive then, he may give you attention easier. Anyway, that's the best advice i can give. Smetimes the tone in ones voice says WAAAAY more than the words do. So, practice talking w/ ease & sweetness, even when your mad. Communication works best when there are no weird "tones" involved. People don't want to feel attacked when someone is talking to them.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:51 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I have a 4yo and a 3yo that is autistic and i will tell you the only way i ever get sleep is if i put them in bed every night at the same time and i turn out all the lights and shut the door. It was really hard at first with my autistic daughter but it had to be done and now when i put her to bed she doesnt cry and she goes to sleep pretty fast cause by the time 9o'clock comes around she's tired. So get your child through the crying and get him on a schedule and when that time rolls around you'll have time 4 yourself and your hubby and you wont have to fight about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I agree with anon 9:08. Your son has to learn that you control the situation, not him. I also have a husband that has to "decompress" after working 8-9 hrs a day. It's frustrating because I too am a SAHM and have 2 children that I am with ALL day and by the time he comes home, I'm ready for a break...but he needs time...whatever. He has that selective hearing you were speaking of, OP, sometimes our daughter will be right next to him saying "Daddy, Daddy......." and it doesn't even phase him. I have to tell him to at least acknowledge her! It is frustrating, and I know how you feel. I tend to wait for the right opportunity to bring up all my "grievances" when we're not fighting and all tense. Otherwise, it will just turn into a blame game, and nothing ever gets resolved that way.

    As for your son, he's gotta cry it out. He's still young, so it will probably take a week....probably less. Just read him a story and say goodnight

    Answer by clhadley at 11:24 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • The schedule is a good idea, if you find and stick to a bedtime routine (like pick up toys, put pjs on, brush teeth, get in bed, read story) that helps to transition them to bed.
    Another thought to help him get to sleep-- does he have a favorite item he could cuddle to help him fall sleep? My middle son would take his stuffed cat to snuggle, my youngest has his blanket.

    Answer by MizLee at 11:24 AM on Aug. 14, 2009

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