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If a family cannot afford to adopt a baby, why should we encourage them to do so?

(Adopting from foster care is a different situation, I am referring to domestic infant adoption.)

Why take a baby from one family who cannot afford to raise it and give it to another family that is struggling financially? Mothers often place babies because they cannot afford to raise them, and few people encourage them to look for grants or fundraisers. And yet, I keep reading about families that want to adopt, but need grants, fund-raisers, etc. If they cannot afford adoption expenses, how can they afford to raise another child? I know that adoptions can be expensive and require a large sum upfront. However, if a family cannot afford those fees, maybe they should consider a less expensive type of adoption?

Or, maybe we should encourage expectant mothers AND people who want to adopt to do whatever it takes? Is there a double standard in place?

 
Southernroots

Asked by Southernroots at 12:05 PM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,433 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (50)
  • So it would have been ok for me to have a bake sale, put out a collection jar & have people donate stuff for a garage sale so I could keep my baby? Wow. Why didnt I think of that?!? I guess that's why adoptive parents are so much smarter then us silly birthmoms!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • maybe they can do what it takes to raise the baby......just cuz a mama cant come up with all the adoption fees doesnt mean she would be unfit or unable to care for that baby in hands!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • hmm. Never heard of a prospective adopter getting grants or fundraisers to enable adoption!! News to me. I don't understand why community service with infants in hospitals and nurturing of our elderly and animals isn't more endorsed and rewarded to ease our economy. Not a block on number of babies like China but encouragement by a tax break, signficant, for those with four kids or less. My grandmother had six children and multiple multiples in the 1920's and my mil had multiples and other children too also born to her. I approve of parenting with care no matter how its' done by either birth or adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Hey anon..just because the mother who give birth doesnt have money or have people who would give fundraiser for her doesnt mean she's unfit or unable or even unwilling to parent! One of the reasons adoption becomes an option for many women is because they feel they can't provide MATERIAL things to the child. They have this false idea that you need to well off or rich to make a child happy or fulfilled in life. They are made to feel inadequate because they are poor or in a marginal income bracket. If the people adopting cant afford to do it, then why is ok to raise money to do it yet we encourage women with little money to give their child away? Where was MY fundraiser so I could keep my baby?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • the "fundraiser" for you to keep your baby is called TANF, WIC, subsidized daycare - all available through Health and Human Services where you live.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • OP, i don't think you know what you are taking about.

    AND, until you've been in the situation of the birth mother, or the adoptive parents, you really have no right to pass judgement. I know this is your opionin and you have the right to that, but please at least make it an educted opinion before passing judgement.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • i see what you are saying. I dont think I could afford to pay $20, 000 or $10,000 upfront to adopt, but I do think I could take care of another child. Sometimes its not even about the money. (by the way i am not looking to adopt, just thinking of my situation). I have an excellent network so my parents would do child care for free. My home and cars are already paid for the added expenses would be medical and diapers. if you already have stuff from previous children clothes and baby supplies would be unneccesary. It seems by making someone pay such a huge chunk it puts the family at a disadvantage to adopting.
    While I see your point what you are saying is if someone cant pay $20,000 for a car upfront...how could they ever make payments. But we all do it.....
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:21 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • second anony responder here, 11:12anony ... just for information sake I have three kids born to hubby and me. and i do volunteer work and animal rescue work. Responsible, safe parenting and a responsible safe world is what we need. Money does not guarantee a happy or safe pregnancy or childhood not even good adulthood. To much emphasis in this country on money and not enough on caring of lives. My bil is Asian and his father recently had surgery. In his country the patients' families had someone say overnight and through day to care for their loved one postop to enhance family closeness and it also relieved hospital staff stress. For some reason in this country a lot of hospitals don't want patient's families around 'harassing' them confirming correct medicine. Birth or adoption life requires care.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • WIC is not a "fundrasier", and everyone is entiled to get it if they meet the qualifications. A good friend of mine had her husband leave her, while she was in the hospital giving birth, and left her with nothing. She needed WIC to help her through it, until she could go back to work after recovering from childbirth. She now owns her own house, and is sucessful.

    Are you saying she should have given up her baby?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • WIC and TANF eh? So how many women get bashed on CM for receiving those things? Lots! They are told they shouldnt have had kids if they cant afford them. They are told the taxpayers dont want to pay to raise their kids. But people who adopt get a tax credit. Many have said they wouldnt have been able to afford it otherwise. Dont hear anyone complaining about that. Double standards abound!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

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