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I dont know what else to do, should I get devorced?

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, we have a 2 month old son, and I think our fighting is stressing him out. I've talked to my husband about marrage counseling but he refuses to do it; he doesnt think it works and he doesnt thinl the army will let us choose who we get. I still think its worth a try. Here lately he has started getting more and more violent; he calls me degrading names, threatens me and the baby, and has physically tried to hurt me about 3 or 4 times now. Its not all him though; I scream and yell, throw things, and break stuff. I know I have an anger problems I've delt with it since Iwas 8 and I have had it under controll since I was 16. I've went over how I keep myself calm and what I need from him (space to calm down) but he wont leave me alone even if I lock myself in a room. We both see our faults but we need help or I think we are done.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • sounds like my relationship before I decided not to control him anymore. I was controlling even little stupid things. I started showing him respect and things have gotten sooo much better. I read this book http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Proper-Care-and-Feeding-of-Husbands/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060520625/?itm=1 I dont usually like her but this is a no nonsense book that has helped my marriage, my best friends marriage and a few women on here. We are surrenedered wives which do not mean that we are doormats, just means that we stopped trying to control every aspect of our husbands. there is a bunch of groups here for them. ITs helped alot of marriages.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I think you both need counseling - separately and together. If he won't go, you should still go. Take anger management classes too. Don't give up on your marriage just yet. You're still relatively "newlyweds" and it does take time (years) to learn to live with each other peacefully. Marriage is hard work! And it's that way for everyone, even those that look like they have it all together on the outside.

    Also, you are dealing with a lot right now. You just had a baby and still have hormones that don't help the situation and I'm sure you're sleep deprived as well. The stress level in a house with a new baby is high - now is not the time to decide whether or not to divorce your husband.

    With that said, if he ever physically harms you, or you feel you and your baby are not safe physically or emotionally with him...then you should leave. Your priority is making sure your baby and you are safe. ((hugs))
    goldenfox

    Answer by goldenfox at 3:14 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • If your DH is not comfortable with one on one marriage counseling. Would he be comfortable with a group class on communication or a parenting for new parents. Both of these is available to you would help you both cope with stress. My DH and I also find ourselves arguing more now that we have a child in these tough econmonic times.

    Finally if he is physically abuse, please don't take that. Leave for the safety and well being of both you and your child.

    Good Luck!
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:16 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Wow...kinda sounds like my situation. I blame myself for him getting so angry at me. Unless he gets help, you two are going to continue to fight off and on for the rest of your lives or until one of you puts their foot down and ends that dance.

    GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Go to counseling on your own, stat. I'd also talk to his commanding officer because men who do this to their wives can also be a danger to their comrades.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:21 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • the military can make him go to counseling whether he wants to or not. Abuse should never be tolerated but if you want to try then I think he should man up and try too
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:59 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • You should still go to counseling yourself and if he continues to threaten you and your baby, which is scary in itself, then you should not stay. It's verbal abuse and in many cases that goes to physical.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • There is no reason that your husband should be threatening you or the baby with physical violence or verbally abusing you! You need to go to the chaplain or to his commanding officer as soon as possible, because what if the threats one day turn into actions and he does harm you or the baby? There's no excuse for violence in a marriage whatsoever, even if you think you are the one making him angry it is no reason for him to think that he can hurt you. Please get some help!
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 8:06 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

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