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help I'm a desperate mom!!

I am going absolutely insane what the F*&(^ am I doing wrong? I feel like a failure as a mother a wife and a woman. my kids are 2 1/2 and 10 months. My son 2 1/2 won't eat right won't take a nap won't listen, He likes timeouts. He will do something wrong and then get excited and say go timeout?. My daughter 10 month does nothing but screams every time i put her down she won't eat the baby food she refuses the bottle. she is still breastfed and i feel like its the only thing keeping me connected to her. every time i come in the room she cries and screams unitl i pick her up. I dont' like yelling at my kids but i'm so tired of the constant non stop If my son doesnt' nap he is a monster the rest of the day and will fall asleep during dinner. I am a desperate mom here. yesterday the copscame over because i was yelling too loud,
I am at a loss as how to discipline when timeouts just get laughs and i hate spanking

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Aug. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • First off, you are not a failure. You are overwhelmed, underrested and alone. It feels as though you are slogging up hill through cement and noone cares while the kids have a choke hold on you.
    Most of us have walked through that same cement.
    There comes a time where you have to take a step back and breathe. You need to take a day off. I know, it is hard to do that with little kids. Trust me though YOU HAVE to come up with some way to "vacation" for a couple hours or a whole day. With no kids. It refreshes you and allows you to refocus on things. Good luck.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 6:01 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • wow...take a deep breath. Is there anyone who can help you for a lil bit until things get into a routine? It sounds to me like you are a normal n=mom honey, not a bad one, who is havign a few bad days.Boy have i been there. If you dont have friends or family to help out, would you consider a trsuted daycare for a few hours a week for one of the kids? its a thought and many places, like dept of children and fams has a list of approved places. 10 months and 2 yrs are hard ages on there own, let alone 2 kids of those ages at same time. Give yourself a break, you are doing the best you can and no one can ask for more. You are not a bad mom, you are just overwhelmed and need someone to tell you that I think.
    you are a good mom, and its going to get better. (hugs) hang in there mom.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 6:03 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • wow the cops came? you've topped me! my 2 yr old wont eat either. we fight her to eat anything (healthy) my 4 yr old is always throwing a fit and in time out. and timeouts done work cause my 2 yr old and him are BFF's so she';ll go sit with him so thats nota real timeout. I totally understand. Take a deep breath, try to relax. I always count to 10 when im real mad so that I dont yell anymore. I hated living with a yelling parent. I have bad memories of being yelled at, so I try not to do that. I dont always suceed of course, but i dont want them to grow up feeling the way I did. Its totally normal mama, their being normal kids. I promise. their not beng especially bad compared to other kids. yup timeout gets laughs but i put them in another room for it so their not getting my attention at all. message me if you do find anything that works better and i'll do the same. My 9 yr old was NEVER like my 2 youngest. she was super good
    Mesha125

    Answer by Mesha125 at 6:04 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Amen to that comment SusieD250 posted. I thoroughly agree with that.
    If there's a friend, family member or whatever who can watch your kids for a few hours... or get a babysitter. You need a breather. Go out with your DH/boyfriend - have a date night.

    as for your son loving timeout? Well, don't give him out. Or call it something else and do it a little differently. If it's usually "sit in the corner for 10 minutes" say "You need a break. Go clean your room or sit in your room for 10 minutes, please."

    You daughter just seems to want to be comforted throughout all the madness of it all - but once you get that well-deserved break, you can re approach the situation with a clearer mind.
    Good luck!!
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 6:08 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • You don't say if you're married, but I agree with the above poster. You're overwhelmed & need a break. My younger 2 boys were 2 years apart, & I know how you feel. I wish I knew how to get a 2 year old to understand time out ( I also didn't spank), & a 10 month old to entertain themselves. When my kids were small, there were days when the house was a mess, & dinner wasn't on the table on time, & I barely ran a brush through my hair.

    I know this doesn't help much right now, but it does get better. There are different challenges with every age, but no age is as physically exhausting as those first few years. In the meantime, check your area for a local branch of the M.O.M.'s club Moms Offering Moms Support) , it's an international support group for mom's, they have age appropriate play groups, some have babysitting co-ops, & more it saved my life when the kids were little. You can find them online, I made lifelong friends.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:12 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • >Ok I am a stay at home mom.  I have 2 children not far apart.  the oldest one thinks its funny when I spank her.  The youngest ones cries bloody murder about everything.  the youngest is special needs and DOESN'T listen just to push my buttons.  My oldest 2 and a half won't nap anymore, needs to some days but most days no, when hubby is home from work he just sits here at this computer and never gets off until he goes to bed.  I do spank because nothing else works and now that doesn't always work either But I do have some advice.  Just ignore them.  I mean be in the same room, but turn on the tv and pretend you are ignoring them  it works mostly with mine.  I believe the crap they pull is for attention.  But if I was you I would give spanking a try.  nothing hard or mean but I mean like a swift pad on the diaper.  Loud noise will scare them you don't want to
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I thought you were talking about my house...lol..I have an almost 3 yr old and 16 mnth old...the older has decided that she doesn't want to take naps either..most days by dinner time she is so grouchy and whiny..I breastfed the 1st til she was 10 mnths and she was such a "Momma's baby" she finally grew out of it..the younger I didn't breastfeed as long but she is still clingy..I actually felt guilty about quitting the breastfeeding because like you I felt very bonded to them but they adjust very well and you will still maintain a special bond.....don't feel like a failure just because you "lost it" I'm suprised my neighbors haven't said anything about me...I hate those Moms that say "my kid has always been on a schedule....naptime, bedtime..blah , blah...I'm lucky if mine go to bed before 10..I'm not an expert on discipline..If anyone can figure out how to perfect the time out system, let me know...hang in there...
    Jan40

    Answer by Jan40 at 6:34 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • as soon as you can get earplugs or a set of earphones to wear to quiet down your brain. As soon as you do that, you're better able to make decisions on any level. It quiets the racket but doesn't drown out the noise. Headphones were a lifesaver for me with my second and third. My best friend suggested it from having her second - love her for that forever.

    Can you go to a church if you don't have a partner or family who can give you break? Lots of churches have older women who'd love to give breaks to a mom and even make suggestions.

    Talk to your ped for behavior suggestions.

    And your family - if they do not know the difficulty youre in, would they want to help if they did? Sometimes being a grown woman and getting nurtured by another grown woman is good for our souls.

    Just give a call to your minister, even after hours if you have one. Theyr on call to help. Sometimes churches have committees set to help membrs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • If your son likes "time out" then stop calling it that, change where he sits for his punishment. Perhaps he likes timeout because he NEEDS to calm himself and doesnt know how to without you taking the action to put him in a quiet place. Do you understand what I am getting at. Many children WANT to be good, but they just doent know how. When he is behaving himself, you need to praise him for it. This way he will learn that he can be good with out going to "time out"

    As for the baby, you need to stop her clingy behavior Put her down in a child safe chair and tie her in for her safety. If she screams and throws a fit, ignore it. Talk calmly and quietly to her, if she wants to hear what you are saying she will stop crying. This might take many, many tries. But you need to break her out of this behavior. She will learn eventually. It takes patience.
    Better to nip this behavior in the bud!
    lbzmom

    Answer by lbzmom at 6:55 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • Well, you're at a tough age with your son. You need a break, regularly. Is it possible that your son wants one on one attention w/o your daughter? My son was from hell at this age and my sis told me that this is the time he needed me most even if I wanted to pummel him. So I put time aside with the little bugger to help him feel more secure and not left out. Then I'd say, "Now it's time to deal with your brother." Good luck, hang in there.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:00 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

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