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Asking the absent grandmother's friend out for coffee- is that just too mean???

My daughter's paternal grandmother is a prick. She hasn't bothered to be involved in her life, although she complains to everyone how I'm keeping her from visiting. Whatever, lady. I've decided to move on with my life. She knows where we live. This has been going on for over a year. She is clearly choosing to stay out of the baby's life, and that's fine by me. It's her loss. Her son and I are still great friends, even though he knows how I feel about his dear old momma.



Anyway, her best friend is a really nice woman, and I've sent a few letters and photos of the baby over the past year. I'm thinking of asking her if she would like to get together for coffee or something, as a gesture of friendship. Do you think it's beyond mean to befriend this woman? Seeing as the grandmother doesn't give a frick about her own granddaughter? The best friend is in her 70's and is such a wonderful person.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Aug. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I used to get together alot with my aunt and hardly ever with my mother because of her attitude. But my aunt knew of our problems and she didn't judge either my mother or me. She love us both separately for separate lives.

    I say contact this friend but comment that you're uncomfortable with the grandmother. Would she still want to gather. If asked don't complain about grandma just say we have difference of raising my baby. I'm sure you'll chat with the lady friend of ways to raise children. If she continues to be nice keep it up. If she seems to be snitching back to grandma and on her side just become busy. But the friend has to remain neutral remember. Maybe she'll give both you and grandma insight into each other's ways of raising babies without criticism. That what my aunt did. I miss her so much, my aunt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • OP

    I'm not interested in gossiping with the best friend about dd's grandmother. In fact, if the grandmother's name never came up in the conversation, that would be fine by me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I don't think its a bad idea at all especially if this woman has been kind to you. I would suggest however that you try to make amends with your daughters grandmother because she is a part of your daughter. Although it may burn you up on the inside to swallow the foolishness she may have said or done the mature thing to do is put all bad things aside and try to reach a common ground with this woman. If you and your ex are still friends I think it would help if the women in his life were at peace with each other. Just think about it.
    misscindy726

    Answer by misscindy726 at 9:26 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

  • I'd still comment to friend that you would love to gather with her. If asked you don't have to bring it up really after all but on the other hand you don't want her to assume for some reason that grandma will also gather with you both ... i'd be upfront after all and just say would you like to have a lunch with baby and Me. Say that to clarify who'll be there. If she asks about grandma then say like ... we're just not able to be together - if pressed further past that you can then comment of a difference in parenting Your baby with grandma but that you still respect grandma. Good Luck! The friend sounds like my aunt!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Aug. 14, 2009

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