Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does anyone catch their husband looking at porn? how do you fix it?

Once again, I caught my husband looking at porn online. I've expressed, on numerous occasions, how hurtful it is to me that he does that. Yet, it doesn't seem to matter. I caught him, and he just laughed. So now I'm pissed off and hurt. What can I do or say to make him understand how I feel and stop looking at it?

Answer Question

Asked by bkenney410 at 1:43 AM on Aug. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Honey you are probably asking this question at the wrong time of day. Most of the night girls are more laid back and don't care about their hubbies looking at porn. I know that sounds kind of bitchy, and I'm not really trying to be, just giving you a heads up.

    Answer by LolosMom at 1:54 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • You need to have a conversation of how you feel. I'm thinking he really wants to look at it and it's completely harmless if it's not getting in the way of your love life. If he's using it instead of being with you and it interferes with other daily activities, it's a problem. His lack of consideration for your feelings is more the issue than the porn. Trust me, I've been over this with my guy.

    I personally don't see a bid deal with him looking at it. It's not like he's actually with the women. Don't you get turned on by other men? It's only adulteress if you do it behind one anothers back. Men like it, and in fact women like viewing it too (there's been research on the topic). I like to watch it with my guy. I find it brings a whole new heat to our relationship. It's perfectly normal to watch and get excited by sexual activity. To try and deny it is to deny what makes us human.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • he's doing it behind my back and doesn't seem to care in the least bit how it makes me feel. It does affect our sex life in negative way. And I don't like watching it with him cuz that's what he thinks all sex should be like and he wants to imitate what he sees. Porn is very unrealistic.

    Answer by bkenney410 at 2:06 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • The only thing you cn do is tell him how you feel and then it's really up to him to stop. My dh use it watch it alot so it bother me (I have nothing against it, but it's annoying when it's every other day) I told him how it made me feel and now he watches it like once a month. You can't make him stop looking he's gonna have to want to stop.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • This question is undoubtabley loaded!
    In my opinion a women who restrics her husbands private time looking at porn needs to turn around grab her cell phone, walk into the bathroom look dead in her eyes at the mirror, put the phone to her ear and promptly call a thrapist.
    Respectfully partaking in internet porn is healthy and normal.
    Do you satisfy him? maybe he just needs a moment with boobs here and harm. Now if you arent giving it up you CAN NOT blame or ask him not to watch.
    Why do you not want him to screw around on porn sites? Why does it offend and hurt? I just dont get it.........Have you ever tried to sit with him and watch to?????

    Answer by Ihatelaundry at 2:38 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I understand where you are coming from. My hubby used to look at porn all the time. I would "catch" him either while he was looking or he would forget to erase the browser history. I would tell him that I thought it sucked that he had to look at porn to get off when I was right there. I didn't restrict him, just couldn't understand why he would do it behind my back. He finally grew up, or out of it, or whatever words you want to use. He understood that I was offended by it (but it took years of us disagreeing). A husband should not make his wife feel bad, for any reason. If it hurts you, he should check himself. Women who tell you otherwise should back off and realize that not everyone is the same. Some of us like our husbands to have sex with us, not the images they see online. I enjoy watching porn with my husband, I don't know if you have tried something maybe a little less hardcore. ? I draw the line at him doing it alone.

    Answer by Amber115 at 3:39 AM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • thank you amber115. Other wives just seem to think of me as crazy and what not. He doesn't do it when I'm not home, he does it when I'm in the other room. And it doesn't result in him wanting to have sex with me.
    And it's hurtful to me because shouldn't I be enough for my husband? Why does he have to look at other women? Who cares that it's not someone who's there. It's the same thing. Just because he doesn't know them, doesn't make it right and ok.
    Just because it doesn't bother some of you, doesn't mean it should bother anyone. You should have respect for others feeling. When you don't, you are just as wrong as him.

    Answer by bkenney410 at 1:58 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Work on your own self esteem. It's your insecurities that need to be addressed not his desire to look at beautiful women.


    Answer by Chrissy629 at 10:18 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Well, I don't care that my hubby checks out porn. I do see him checking it out, but I wouldn't consider it "catching him" watching it. When I do see that he's watching it, I'll ask him what he's watching and if it's good.
    You need to figure out why this bothers you and communicate your feelings to your husband in a constructive way. If he thinks you don't like just because it makes you feel unwanted, your husband is going to find ways to justify his viewing and it will only lead to deception.

    Answer by MotherofIreland at 10:59 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • This is a serious problem. Do not ignore it. If he is looking at porn and your sex life has diminished or disappeared you need to act now. At a time when he seems calm and receptive (not after you caught him and had a fight about it) ask him to see a counselor with you to help you put your marriage and sex life back on track. It's too late for me, but I was there. More than ten years ago I began catching my husband looking at porn late at night after our girls and I went to sleep. Though I told him repeatedly that it hurt me and that it interfered with our relationship, he would only promise never to do it again until the next time I caught him. This pattern went on for years. I can only assume that porn turned out not to be enough for him after a few years because he's had two affairs since then. I just found out about them and our marriage is ruined. It is not a harmless pass time if it affects your marriage.

    Answer by PurpleBijou at 8:18 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
strip club??!

Next question overall (About CafeMom)
how do i delete a group