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When is it the right time to bring a boyfriend around your children?

I was wondering if there should be a time stamp on when you can bring a boyfriend around your children, and how do you explain who this man is & why he is around? I have currently been avoiding the whole boyfriends meeting my children i either date outside the home or not all.... any suggestions on what i should do or how you would handle it?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Aug. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My stepdaughter kept bringing guy after guy around her 3 boys well in the end she lost custody of her son all 3 boys have different fathers well the youngest son's dad wanted custody and he got him cuz the judge said only 1 man should be playing the male figure in his life at the moment cuz of mom's addiction to all the mean like she had 10 men in their lives in as many months. Just make sure that they know this is mommies friend and just keep him coming around little by little. No hanky panky around the kids tho and no spending the night until you are really super serious about him for sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • When you're serious about him. When you're sure he isn't crazy (don't be afraid to run a background check).


    The last thing you want to do is introduce your "friend" to youd kids and then have it not work out and them wonder where he went.

    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 4:13 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Children have no care in teh world for anything romantic nor do they grasp the concept. people love eachother and thatts what they know. if you do bring man around you need to reassure them in a positive way that "mommy loves you and will always love you." no need to mention mommy loves this other person also...
    DDTSMommy

    Answer by DDTSMommy at 4:13 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I waited a year. I waited til I met his family, friends, vice versa. I didn't bring him into our house b/c I didn't want their first meeting to be all serious. We went to the park and I said my friend was coming along. I just started incorporating him into our activities. We then had a discussion about how this is mommy's boyfriend and asked what they thought. They loved the idea and were excited
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Just don't do what my stepkids' mom does, k? She introduces man after man after man, insisting that each one gets a "special" name.

    The latest one she married after 4 months and is trying to get the kids to call him "Dad" which she insists isn't the same as them calling another man Daddy. Uh-huh.

    Don't do that.

    Beyond that, just say, "this is mommy's friend Joe. He's going to hang out with us at the beach."
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 4:16 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I think that it would depend on the age of the child. If the child is very young then they wouldn't understand a boyfriend and I would wait until things got serious. An older child would know about dating and how you can go out with a man and it just be for socializing...not something serious. I would then bring him home to meet the kids.
    momtoeight

    Answer by momtoeight at 5:24 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I don't think there's a specific time frame, but I wouldn't do it until you're pretty serious and fairly certain it will work out. Also, I just kind of made my boyfriend a casual "thing" in our household. I would talk about "my friend Chris" for a while before they met him. I would tell them things he was interested in that I knew they would all have in common. Then, the first time they met, he came over "to watch a movie he really wants to see that we rented". We didn't hold hands, kiss, etc. in front of them. I just gradually allowed him to take on a bigger place in our lives as it occurred naturally, and my kids took to him with no problems, no jealousy. If you make it seem like a big deal, they will think it is and might react negatively. If you make it seem like no big thing and he's just a friend and allow things to gradually develop, things will go much more smoothly.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:08 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I think if you wait until it's serious and then your child and the man don't connect, it's very difficult. I think it's okay to bring men around your children.....I don't think I'd introduce them as boyfriends, just "this is mommy's friend Bill", and behave as friends in front of the kids. Dinner and a kids movie at your home, a picnic at the park, miniature golfing and pizza.....you can see how the guy interacts with your kids, and how they interact with him. It also gives your kids more male role models.

    I do think it's important not to have men spend the night, or "make out" in front of the kids, but if you wait until you are very serious, and the guy turns out not to be good father material, how will you feel?
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:10 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

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