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Would you unground a teen at midnight?

Okay... I know this sounds weird. However my stepson was told to clean his room before he left for school. Very simple. However he did not. He has done this in the past and really slacks when it comes to household chores. So My husband and I decided he would lose the use of his x box since he did not follow through. This happened yesterday around 5 or 6pm. We ate dinner. Then my hubby, daughter and stepson decided to rent a movie. After that my stepson wants his x box back and my husband tells him YES!!! And his room still is not clean!!! I of course was asleep or this would have never happened. At midnight !!! What is the point of taking something away from a teen and a few hours later letting him have it bak when his room still is a mess. My husband almost always caves and his kids get away with murder. They are rude and disrespectful and he wonders why. What do I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Aug. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • The key word in this sentence is "step-son". Unfortunately, if DAD ungrounds him, that doesn't teach him anything. You might have a heart-to-heart with your husband, and talk to him about follow-through of discipline that you have given him. If he doesn't want to watch him pout NOW, what's he going to do when he gets behind the wheel of a car, or gets arrested? He needs to learn these "little" lessons at home, to avoid some of the "biggies" later. Look up a book called, Parenting Teens with Love & Logic. It is about real life consequences. Just like: when you get a ticket you pay a fine, or don't show up for work you get fired, every choice he makes now has good or bad consequences. It's not about PUNISHING, it's about making them responsible for their own actions. It's not too late.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:35 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I would have a problem with that!! If he had cleaned his room, then I probably would have been alright with it. What was the point of punishing him, if he got what he wanted without doing what he was supposed to do. Basically, your SS knows that his dad isn't going to follow through (does he do this only when you want SS to change his behavior, or does he follow through with discipline when it's something he wants is son to do??)

    I would definitely talk to him about this, and tell him that you need his support, and respect, or his kids will not respect you.

    Good luck!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:32 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I guess it would depend on the circumstance and the severity.
    However, in this instance, no, he would not have gotten his xbox back. He didn't accomplish what he was asked to do...before he was even grounded. That's ridiculous.

    What I would do is ask your DH to stick by you on this, so you're a united front, where they know that they can't go to the other parent and ask again... because they know they'll say yes. And once something is taken away, it should be taken away for 24 hours... or whatever amount of time. So... at 5 or 6 PM the next day, he should've gotten it back.. and that's after seeing if the reason he was grounded for...was accomplished.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 6:32 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Might I also add that he also has two daughters that have graduated from college and they are not doing anything. I will say they all are very good students but none of them like to work or have to ever face the music. My daughter (His Step daughter ) on the other hand is very helpful loves to work and takes her punishments and seldom complains because she knows in the end it is her fault. My hubby always asks why my daughter listens and acts better. I can't understand why he cannot see he enables his kids. I really want to help because I love the kids but I can't do it by myself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Unfortunately this is a step son. There isn't a thing that you can do. My steps get away with everything also. It is not my place to do anything.
    momtoeight

    Answer by momtoeight at 8:04 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Well, at least your daughter listens to you. Maybe one day your husband will connect the dots. Some parents feel "guilted" after a split with "mom or dad" and they over-compensate, sometimes not realizing that they are doing it. I hope it gets better.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:38 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • You shouldn't do anything. It's not up to you. He isn't your son.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 10:14 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

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