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How can I get my 4 yr old to stop pooping his pants and to stop crying when i talk to him? I feel so confused,hurt and angry all at the same time.

My Son Isaac is 4 years old and is always pooping (making very large "skid" mark) in his underware and wont poop in the potty. I hve tried making him sit onthe potty for a while, taking away treats, doing the reward system, clean his own underware . i now have him on a medication and i have been giving him supositorys to make him poop. I am to the point where i am so fustrated that i am yelling at him. I hate yelling but i feel like it is the only way to get through to him. I WOULD LOVE ANY SUGGESTIONS!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

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Asked by untaughtmother at 7:23 PM on Aug. 15, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • Have you tried "poop presents?" Buy a few little matchbox cars or dollar store toys. Wrap them up and put them high in the bathroom. When your son poops, let him pick a poop present. My son was afriad to poop in the toilet and would get a pull-up. I was really frustrated. He was just scared. My husband had him sit in the bathroom. I was not home. He finally pooped and has ever since. He was one month shy of 4. It is a common problem with boys. My friend swore by poop presents. I was about to try and he went. I hope this helps.  NEVER give the poop present unless he goes.  It does not work if he gets one for trying. 


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 7:30 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • do you all belive in santa clause its that time of the year kids start to get excited about christmas the way i broke my 4yr old of it was simply telling him that santa doesnt bring presents to boys who poop in thier pants he only brings toys to the boys who poop in the potty and i kid you not in two days we had poop in the potty...good luck..

    Answer by connorsmom22607 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • How I got my difficult kid to poop in le' potty.

    1) Timed three accidents and saw that 3-5pm was our average window of poop... be in in potty, toilet, pants, pullup, whateverrr.

    2) Took kiddo to blockbuster and they rented 2 movies of their choice

    3) made popcorn and got out chocolate milk (RARE RARE RARE treat in my house)

    4) set their potty chair on floor, on a towel, in front of TV at the window of 3-5pm and stood there with huge bowl of popcorn, and huge sippy cup of chocolate milk and turned movie on (ahh to be young and poop to Kung Fu panda! good times)

    I refused to press play and hand over goodies til his butt was on the potty chair.

    He didn't know I spiked choco milk with prune juice. and was so distracted by movie and snacks he was as shocked/surprised as I was when he heard and felt the poop falling out

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:39 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • with my daughter 1 thing that worked for us is to just move heaven and earth to get them to poop in toilet or potty ONE TIME.... just once is all u need and then go totally apeshit with icecream, toys, games, praise, etc etc. immediately head to store and let them pick out a treat and whatever underwear they want. then get something BETTER.... like a tub of ice cream or a really awesome truck or something and place it out of reach but within sight. encourage often "go poop real quick and then you can climb on a chair to the freezer and get the icecream" or "after you push these poops out will you help me open the box your new truck is in" etc.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:43 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Distraction + motivation = poopies where u want them to be

    Answer by hibbingmom at 7:43 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Yes mom...been there done that...still doing it. Its a problem most other mothers really dont understand unless theyve been there. This is not about potty training, because likely he's been PT for awhile. My son started doing this about 4 yrs old too and I was very puzzled as to why he was doing it too and instead of crying our son would just look at us with this deer in headlight stare and say nothing. When you ask him why, he has no answer. I think he really doesnt know. First thing ....find out if hes got any medical condition. I agree with you about making him poop. We give our son miralax because hes generally somewhat constipated. That comes from holding it. Your son is holding his poop and youre seeing it in his underwear because he can no longer hold it. Why hes holding it is the thing to understand. I guess kids have different reasons for not wanting to go. Theyre too busy or theyre scared and the biggest...CONT

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:48 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • reason was that it was a control issue. Kids know theres only a few things that mom and dad cant control. When speaking to my doctor about my sons issue, he stated that our son was a introvert personality. He could get upset at the least little thing and it would cause him to hold his poop. I told him that theres generally no issues in the home and he said that it didnt have to be anything major. It could be something as simple as watching a movie and it not coming out the way he wanted. I was quite surprised at his observation. He told me that first I needed to make my son take responsibilty for his own underwear. I had already been doing that. He said that there should be no screaming, no yelling, no berating, no punishing, no overanalyzing...nothing. Just simply tell him to go clean up and make him sit. I look at this problem now to mean that he needs to go to the bathroom. So I make him go sit until we see poop. CONT

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:52 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • SO be consistent. Make sure he knows that if you see poop, hes going to have to sit. Also have a certain time of day that he has to go. Try to keep track of his poop schedule. I totally agree with rewards. When he does do good, praise him and treats are fine and when he forgets or does this, then dont say a word, just send him to the bathroom. You will stay constantly frustrated if you keep going round and round in your mind as to what the problem is. This too shall pass, I promise. If I could tell you how many moms really are in your situation, you would be so surprised. I dont tell many people about my sons issue, out of fear of judgment, but I found out through a neighbor that her son has this problem, he is 9 and she knows of a few other boys who have the same issue. Oh one other thing. When he does this consistently, look at it as him having emotions in side he needs to express. Sit down and talk about whats on his mind.

    Answer by momofsaee at 7:56 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I would suggest you change your attitude, just keep diapering him as always without ever bringing it up. Don't act angry, bribe, just have no reaction. Whatever is going on must not be under his ability to control, making him feel badly about it can make it worse and harm his self-esteem.
    He WILL grow out of this in time. Hopefully, without pressure (and attention), the intensity will diminish, he can do what he needs to do instead of what others want him to do.
    Good luck, mama, this is hard, I remember!!

    Answer by doulala at 9:54 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • I just went through this exact same thing with my 7y/o. I agree with momofsaee. This is what the Dr told us to do.

    Answer by mlregalado at 12:26 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

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