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twins/sibling rivalry?

i have twin boys who were born 26 weeks and now they are 13 going on 14 months, they are developmentally behind, zachary is functioning about 8-9 months , and tidus is like 4-6 months. i have to tend to tidus more because he has always been more sick and needs more assistance. i always give them all my attention and i try to give each of them their mommy alone time. they both also play together or all three of us play..so there is no lack of attention. the big problem is zachary is becoming very malicious towords me and his brother, whenever i go to tidus to change his pamper zachary starts staring at me and coughing or crying, and when we are down on the floor playing zachary crawls to his brother and hits scrathes and pulls tidus hair. he seems to be doing it purposfully, he seems to young to disipline, he does not undertsand no even though i say it constantly, the most i can do is pick him up and put him in his crib alone

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ARRI23

Asked by ARRI23 at 9:24 PM on Aug. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • (cont) for a while. i dont really know what to do anymore
    ARRI23

    Answer by ARRI23 at 9:24 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • anybody??
    ARRI23

    Answer by ARRI23 at 9:33 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • At 8-9 months developmentally put him in his crib or a time out playpen, for about a minute. Tell him hitting and such hurts and is a no no and he will sit in her for 1 minute. When he is done have him give his brother some love. It may take a few times, but he will get it. With my oldest at 18 months 1 min. was an eternity for her but it worked. My youngest puts herself into time out at 18 months.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:34 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • thank you..im just really unsure how to disipline him, i just dont get why he is SOOOO brutal..he wants to smash everything
    ARRI23

    Answer by ARRI23 at 9:36 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Because he has the strength of an older child but the mentality of a younger one. He is trying to figure it all out and doesn't have the words to vent with yet. You may also try and finding him more physical activities to do. Maybe those soft climbing things and slides that I see at daycares. This might help him to deal with the frustration he is feeling in an appropriate physical way. Also some home made play dough he can smash and pound that all he wants.
    Make sure you give each behavior a name and tell him that XYZ is a no no and why. As he gets older he will get it. My youngest will say No no and wage her finger it is so cute, God help her if she tries telling me though.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 10:17 PM on Aug. 15, 2009

  • Hold his hands and re direct him to something nicer... "instead of hitting you should be bringing me the wipes" (or whatever) or "uh oh, we almost scratched brother! we don't want to do that, it hurts! we kiss brother like this" (then give them both kisses) You really have to lead by example and catch him at whatever it is and hold his hand firmly when he is trying to hurt others then praise him for nice things. Punishment is hard to understand but praise they understand real quick.
    Angelbluewingsz

    Answer by Angelbluewingsz at 4:23 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

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