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In your first years of marriage was it really hard ? What kind of struggles did you have?

My husband and I been married for 4 yrs both of us been married before but it has seemed so hard . I m just curious to see how many of you have had same struggles. With us theres been alot of bringing up past relationships,fighting over money,kids,alcohol, abuse and wonder will it ever get any easier . I know blended familys are hard but I never thought it would be this hard so how long does it take before things get easier ?

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bizebe

Asked by bizebe at 1:17 AM on Aug. 16, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • My husband and I have been married for 6 years next month...we got married 5 months after meeting...so, yeah, there's definitely been some ups and downs. We have been through gambling addictions, 2 kids in 2 years, cancer, money issues....but you know, I can't say that it gets "easier"...I think it's really what you decide is worth fighting over. Our motto, since we first started dating, has always been to never go to bed angry. It's worked out pretty good so far. We still have fights, but at the end of the day, we love each other and have 2 beautiful children together. We've already come so far...together, that it might be chaotic sometimes, but it's definitely going to be worth it.

    Good luck!!
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 1:22 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Thank you so much . I need to remember that not going to bed angry cause it has seemed most of our fights are at night and it doesnt make for a good nights sleep. Yes I agree picking and choosing your battles is very important . It sounds like youve had your share of hard times ,but I love your attitude about it and thank you for your reply, it was encouraging to me;)
    bizebe

    Answer by bizebe at 1:32 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I would encourage you to look at your spouse as another human just trying to find his way in life just like you. Drawing out those similarities I thnk help to build understanding in the relationship. Start trying to figure out ways to build him up instead of tearing him down, whether it be through actions or words. Marriage is hard, but it is rewarding. It was very difficult for my and my husband the first few years, and it still is at times. Understanding where the other person is coming from and why they act the way they do is so very helpful to avoid unnecessary hurt feelings, anger, and disunity. We have been married almost 6 years now and are going very strong.


     


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    squish

    Answer by squish at 1:57 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • It was really hard for us. He was used to his single life were he can just get up and go and not having to answer to anybody, plus the money alcohol etc. issues, that pissed me off so I always nagged him. He realized he wasn't single anymore and changed his ways and I just stopped nagging him. We realized if we talk about our problems instead of bottle them it helps. We have been married for 6 1/2 years now and we couldn't be happier, were a team. Marriage is a challenge were you live and learn something new weather it's about life or each other, but that's what makes it great.

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:07 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Honestly it hasn't been that hard for me and my husband we've been married for about two years now and I don't know if it's just that the honeymoon period isn't over yet (which I doubt) or what's going on. We spent alot of time talking about our ideals and how to raise kids and if we should have one bank account or two and what our strengths and weaknesses are and just tons of things like that whiule we were engaged. We took couples counseling before we got married (it made the marriage license cheaper) and I actualkly think that it might have really helped because even though we didn't need it we learned alot of things that could possibly help us in the future. We always try to keep in mind that no matter what we are both just humans and people have faults and they don't always do their best wether or not they can. You aren't always giving and taking in turns in a relationship cont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • sometimes you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking and other times he's doing all the giving and you're doing all the taking. I think it's when that gets off balance and you are always the one doing all the giving that it becomes a problem and relationships get real hard.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • i was married 2 times before and had 1 child, my husband was never married. yes our marriage was hard at first. we have been married for 9 years now and have had our share of up and downs. quite a few of down. we try not to dwell on the bad, we never go to bed angree (best advice my parents ever gave me) and stand by eachother when times are bad. we discuss any major financial decisions. just keep talking to eachother. dont yell. and always remember that marriage is a give and take process. choose your fights always ask yourself is it worth it. good luck honey.
    GTMOM41

    Answer by GTMOM41 at 3:40 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • lol... marriage is always a struggle no matter if it is a young marriage or an old one...

    Ive been with my hubby 5 years 3 years married... the first year was WONDERFUL... 2nd was ok... 3rd was S***...4th had rough patches(miscarriage and divorce talk)... 5th seems to be a lil better but when I have my doubts or when it gets tough... I whip out my vows, read them, and move on... We have our fights about alot of what you do... but I plan on sticking to what I wrote on that paper no matter how tough it gets...
    orkibe3

    Answer by orkibe3 at 4:06 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • My parents have been married for 33 years... alotta rough times but they managed to stay together through it all...

    They say the first 5 years is the hardest so Im hoping by the end of this year it will all be smoth sailing... sha right...

    Hold it together for your family and dont let the small stuff tear you apart... be strong and it will get better in time
    orkibe3

    Answer by orkibe3 at 4:08 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • i've been married just over a yr and it has been hard on us since he married to a women with kids and he isn't used to dealing with teenagers and the such. so we can argue about how my kids treat me or how i don't get on my kids cause like he would like. also he is a bit immature about money but he is learning a bit from me. he is younger but we both have the same values and level of commitment and when were not to ticked at each other we talk things out. he can be stubborn and defensive when i bring up certain issues but i one day he'll see i'm right. so even though it's been rocky i just look at the good he does in my life and think of our future. also i think a relationship with any substance abuse is a lot harder then ones without. my ex is my cause of it. so in your situation you have to decide if this is what you want from your man and what he has to offer. if i had to do it all over again i would never hooked up with ex
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

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