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Should i do it anyway?

My oldest daughter who is 11 is going to be heading back to school in a few weeks...shes been begging me lately to color her hair...when i asked her what she wanted to do i was suprised...shes a dirty blonde right now, and she said she just wants to go a shade or two lighter blonde...something subtle. I was impressed! When i brought it up to my husband though he was very against it...said he thinks she should be at least 16. I disagree with him...what she is doing is very tasteful and i see nothing wrong with it...the problem im having is do i go against my husbands wishes and do it anyway and cause a fight? Or do i respect his angers me in a way because he doesn't seem to EVER consider his daughters feelings on the matter, its his way only!


Asked by blueeyedgrl2377 at 6:14 AM on Aug. 16, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 7 (160 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I agree that it likely isnt a big deal, but I wouldnt ever go against my husband and her father. NO way. Dont ever start a fight in your home over something so silly. Simply tell your daughter that she will have to wait until dad gets comfortable with it. I seriously think you would be making a very big mistake by going against his wishes. Sometimes dads take a little bit of time to get used to their daugthers growing up and you need to honor that and respect that. If you go against him, you are sending the message to your daugther that what dad says isnt important and that you and her can do what you want. If you expect your daughter to respect him, then you should be the example. In our home, dads word is the final word until we can compromise and come to an agreement. I just dont think that causing a stink in your home over hair color is worth it and the consequences you will incur will be terrible. Just wait. Good luck.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • The first time i dyed my hair i was 9, i went from brown to red, so i dont think its a unreasonable request, to just lighten the shade of blonde her hair is. I'd say talk to you hubby, her hair will grow out, its not that bad. Tell him we can set up rules about her dyeing her hair, like maybe no more then once a year, or something. What are her reasons for wanting to dye it. If its because her friends are doing it, thats not a good reason, but if she has a genuine reason for wanting it done, i don't see a problem with it. Even if you go against your hubbys wishes, he'll get over, or he may actually like the outcome of how her hair looks

    Answer by vgiron at 6:23 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I wouldn't go against my husband. However it might be good to talk to him about it. Maybe he would be willing to let her do it as a reward for good grades. It's obviously a big deal to him, so find out why and if he would explain that to your daughter. Encourage you daughter to be respectful and if she wants to appeal to do it with a good attitude! Maybe between the three of you, you can work out a compromise. (I am pretty sure my hubby would be against it too! I am curious to see how old she is when the issue of earrings come up!! Lol! She is 10 months now.)

    Answer by micheledo at 6:37 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Your daughter is 11 years old. Why the rush for her to grow up? She should be playing hopscotch, not dying her hair. I can understand the cans of hair paint that washes out, but not Miss Clairol. Personally, I was in my 30's before I colored my hair the first time and I didn't like it. The chemicals that are in the dye could get into your daughter's skin, etc, not to mention the damage it would do to her hair. I wouldn't go against your husband, it's really not worth it. And your daughter will get over it.

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 6:48 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I would talk to your hubby about something like sun-in that way you are both happy. she won't be around all the chemicals and after you spay her hair it will lighten a shade or two from the sun.

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 7:33 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I told my 11yr old she couldn't do anything drastic to her hair until she hit 14. No, cutting of the hair (except for a trim), no dying, and no chemicals - which for her would be a relaxer.

    She's dying for a relaxing because it would make everyday combing, washing of her long thick hair and what not so much easier not only for her but me too because I'm the one who primarily does all of the above but because a chemical in her hair before starting puberty might change the texture of her hair. I've told her this and for the most part she doesn't even bring it up anymore because she knows it's pointless I won't change my mind -but when my friends comment on her hair she might let a mumble slip now and again about how she wants it relaxed like mommy has her hair. I roll my eyes and pretend I never heard what she said.

    In so many words "I'm not thinkin 'bout her behind" LOL

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 8:06 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • If you dye your hair, some hair dyes can actually damage your hair. Plus do not go against your husband. 11 is way too young to go and dye hair. My sister used sun in on my dirty blonde hair and it turned bright red. Plus my parents were furious. If you go against your husband, your daughter will come to you and know you will override anything your husband says. This leads to other problems in the future. 11 yr olds should be playing with barbie dolls, she is still a child, not a teenager.

    Answer by jenzachsam at 8:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I am surprised you would even consider going behind his back. Is he her father? I mean when you started the adventure of parenting, it was to do it together or just the way you thought made the most sense?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • It is hard when a father is so against it. I too have an 11 year old (almost) and her blonde hair has turned dirty dishwater, light brown. What you might do is ask your husband if he would agree to let her have a non-permanant coloring. One that washes out after 10 washings just to see if it looks ok. Then if it is a subtle difference or makes her look happy, maybe he will agree to permanant. There is also the Sun In option where you take her out to a pool for a few days and say "Gee Honey, look how the sun just lightened her hair!". But that is a little sneaky.

    Answer by katieslovingmom at 8:49 AM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I feel that when a kid does something like this its a way of expressing themselves,and you should be happy they want to be an individual and not "follow the crowd". And also it isnt like she is doing a crazy color or anything,Its subtle and "normal" but she is still expressing herself. I wouldnt go agianst DH but try talking to him agian explaing all of that,and even perhaps have your DD explain to him why she wants to do this. I dont know what it is about the dads but they always have problems with this kind of thing at first. My DH was completly agianst Abby dying her hair at 13. However she wanted a "crazy color" of pink at the front. But when I eplained how this is how she want to express herself and she explained why she wants to do it he became ok with it. I'd think in your casee though it shouldnt be as bad as your DD's choice of color is subtle and "normal". Good Luck :)

    Answer by xomommy25 at 9:45 AM on Aug. 16, 2009