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I need advice about a part time dad.

My sons father wants to be a part time dad. he has never kept him over night because hes not"comfortable" yet. never even tried. he only keeps him when I'm in school, no later no earlier, no other days. so i ask him again and he says no. i tell him if he would take a night from getting high and drinking with his friends then he could do it. long story short he told me to stop bothering him and get a life. would i be wrong for not answering his calls, not calling him and being a typical single mom?

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Queentdi

Asked by Queentdi at 1:48 PM on Aug. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (55 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • File for child support. When he is mature enough to parent, he will file for visitation
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I don't believe that you will ever be able to rely on him. Yes, I would resign myself to being a single mom and do the best you can. Don't hesitate to ask for help from friends and family when you need it.
    momtoeight

    Answer by momtoeight at 1:52 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • NO, not at all. I think he either gets in or gets out. Meaning he is either going to be a part of his life when the child needs him to be or not at all. This is not about being a father on his schedule or when its convenient for him. I would be calling the shots. I think youve likely allowed him to be a part of his life when it was convenient for him and now hes used to that. I think that by showing him that he cant just come in and out as he pleases.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:53 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I've been getting child support since June of this year. His mother is very active in my sons life. I have brought up the subject of him "baby sitting", that's what i call it. He shrugs it off and his mom doesn't want to get in our business, that's why I believe she does so much to help matters. I'm tired though, have you eve been tired? So yes momofsaee, I will call the shots from now on. I'm a darn great mother and all this time I was trying to avoid being a single mother, but I guess I have been a single mother all along. I "love" my cafemom family.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 1:58 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Anybody can be a daddy but it takes a really man to be a FATHER and he is not a FATHER at all. He needs to get it or get out and leave you to do what's best for your child and you. He is not a healthy person to be around your child or you so have him hit the sidewalk and file the paperwork and find a real man that's gonna love your child and you. There are men out there that can do that and in the end your child will have what he needs. He is not getting 100% from his "SPERM DONOR" so do your child and yourself a favor and get rid of this part timer. He sounds like he's not just a part time dad but a part time BF also.


    I'm sorry if I have offended you but I don't believe people need to be treated badly or walked all over you are a strong women and a good mommy not a door mat. GL

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:05 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • You did not offend me raemommy, you as well as others have helped me. Now I would have been upset if someone told me to wait it out, he'll get better. I have heard that so much that I once thought that maybe I was the problem. That's why I come to cafemom. So thank you for the advice and the GL.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 2:09 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • He sounds exactly like my sons father!! Except my sons father only sees my son when it's convenient for him (IE when he doesn't have anything better to do, or isn't too hungover or high) he sees my son maybe once a month if we're lucky for a few hours. Never calls to check up on him or anything. The only thing I get from him is a little bit of child support and that's only because it's court ordered. I tried for an entire year to get him to be involved in my sons life and finally realized, I could only force him to do so much if he wasn't willing to be a father it wasn't my place to force him. So I just let his sperm donor behind do what he pleases but made it clear to him he wasn't going to be walking in and out of my son's life. He was either going to be an active part or disappear one of the two. Nothing less. That's basically what you need to do, stand up and be the voice for your child. It isn't fair for you ... contd..
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 2:29 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • and definately isn't fair for your child to be put through such pain because this ass wants to be a halfass father.

    best of luck to you and your little one!
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 2:30 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I didn't have this exact situation but the part time dad my x was. I wouldn't ask him if I was you to take him if you don't need to due to there could be so many dangers I do not know if he is that irisponsible when his kid is around drinkin or being high. Not to sound mean it dont sound he would but would he try to go to court over your kid to see him or not. if so you kind of have to answer but. If you dont think he will then I would say dont answer his calls. He will eather straiten up or grow old lonely cause his child will see how he is in the long run no matter what and no need to hurt your kid with how his dad dont care. To me you cant be a part time parent kids cant be put on a shelf and delt with when one wants to. best of luck with this
    numb3rz

    Answer by numb3rz at 6:33 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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