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I have been with my fiance for 2 years and recently found out he has a sexual addiction.I always knew there was something wrong,he never let me get close to him at all and would threaten to leave me at the drop of a hat.It happened I found out through going through his phone's web history that he was looking at porn.In fact, he would stop on the side of the road on the way from work just to look at it.I love him and eventually I got him to realize that he does need help. He says he wants to go to therapy and save our relationship,but still lies about everything and anytime he 'acts out'.He still denises it when he does it and accuses me of being crazy,and says I need help. I am FED UP. He says that he wants to save this relationship, but what he SHOWS is a completely different story. I feel hurt, betrayed, and now have lost ALL self confidence in myself over this.Can this get better? Or should I just give up?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Aug. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Aside from him going to therapy for his addiction, you two need to also go to couples counseling to help you both find ways to cope with this.

    And unless he is actually going to therapy, SAYING he wants to go are just words. You need actions.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:22 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • I agree with carolynbarnett actions speak louder then words.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:25 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Well we have already gone through the steps getting a referral to a sex addictions counsellor by our doctor, and we have decided to go together already.... but he still 'acts out' and denies it and accuses me of crap when I confront him... but if he was really ready for therapy don't you think he would at least start by telling the truth about it to me? Confiding in me? Wouldn't that show that he knows what he is doing is wrong and wants to fix it? If he's still lying to me, who's to say he wont lie to the therapist??

    Answer by whiterose29 at 2:35 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Therapy is keybut not the full answer! Setting boundaries and expectations together in counseling is just the beginning of overcoming this truly chemical condition. Whether you are christian, religious etc. or not, I would also pray about this because it's an extremely difficult addiction to overcome! I don't think dogma is the answer, you need support and guidance from a higher source than your own current understanding because basing today and tomorrows choices and actions on those of yesterday, your previous experiences can set you up for mistrust, fear, and lies, old patterns that will not work for either of you. Rely on the unknown and possibilities to set you both free from this terrible affliction... much love & deepest sympathies!

    Answer by HollyLucination at 3:02 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • sexual addiction and porn addiction is two different things; however, both require professional help or at least a 12 step program. Either be supportive or not but don't pretend to be both (saying you want to be there for him then threaten to leave at his first set back.) Addictions of any kind are hard to break. If you give up quickly then so will he.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:06 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • i guess he's not at a point where he can stop and doesn't want to announce it to u every time. that's why he needs counseling.

    Answer by ranedare at 3:46 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Get out!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 AM on Aug. 17, 2009

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