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What would you do? What do you think?

I taught my toddler how to not hit, push, shove, bite etc. She does VERY well with that and is very polite and friendly! However, I take her to my friends houses and she is constantly being "tortured"! She always comes running and hides behind me whenever they start pushing or shoving, she doesn't stand up for herself at all! I myself am a like that, but I don't want her to be that much like me. I am trying to get her to push back, grab toys back, and not put up with being walked all over! Is it wrong for me to teach her to "hit back" "push back" "bite back" ?? Or should I just intervene each and every time and fight her battles for her?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Aug. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I would not visit my friend's home anymore. I'm sorry but I simply would not allow my child to be in an environment where he was being bullied all the time. No need to explain or be harsh with your friend. Unless your friend asks for an explanation and then put it as graceful as you can, "My child is having a hard time being around such active children. She doesn't understand that they are teasing and trying to have a good time...." Leave it open to where it is your child who doesn't really get it. You don't need to feel bad or worry about what they think. Your child needs to know and understand you are not going to put her in situations where she is targeted. She is working on trust. If you want her to trust you silmply don't put her in repeat situations where you suspect she will be bullied. Your daughter is your most important relationship - not the friends who come first.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:55 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • i think its a bad idea to teach your child what you know is wrong. she knows that you dont hit to get your way and it should be the same for every situation even if they hit first. its sounds like it is just her personality to not be a rough child. it is good that she does not hit. it might be hard for her now, but later you will be glad your teenager is not mean! dont teach her to hit back, teach her to use her words and say no! and stop! and also teach her that she does not always need mommy to save her. she is too young to really understand that sometimes its ok to hit. it sounds like you have a good girl, and hopefully she will always go to you with her problems, trust me most dont! shes not a wimp, she should be proud of being nice!

    Answer by LadyDahl at 7:53 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • You don't want to fight her battles but you also don't want her to bite back. You do however, have to teach her to know that it is ok to say no to those who are trying to take things from her. I don't know excatly what to tell you but you can't let her be bullied but she shouldn't stoop to their level either. You should talk to the parents and they need to do something about the kids.

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 7:56 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Teach her to use words to stand up for herself. Also, just because she comes to you doesn't mean you have to intervene. If she comes running and says...."Cindy hit me and took my toy" I wouldn't make "Cindy" give the toy back. Just help your daughter find something else to play with.

    When other children made my kids upset or angry I would use it as an example of how they should never behave. Tell your daugher, "the way you feel is why we don't hit and take other people's toys.

    Answer by Dyndudes at 8:02 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • She's 21 mos.... and always says "no!" or "OUCH!". She hasn't learned stop yet, I never thought of teaching her that one. When she tells me, she points at the girls and whines (but I never let her out of my site so I know what happened). I really don't want her to be a "bully" towards anyone else. I was very proud she never hit or started a fight!!! She's hit twice, never bitten and I've never allowed it! My friends sit there and from their seat say "no _____, leave the baby alone" which never works. It makes them walk all over her even more and these girls talk back to their mother and never listen! They try to get my DD to hit back and such so I thought maybe that would help.

    Thank you so much for your input! I appreciate it!!!! I don't want to actually teach her to hit because of this and how hard it is to get them to stop!!! She's so good, but I feel like I'm doing things wrong because my kid listens!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Aug. 16, 2009