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Completely un-cool? Or am I being too "sensitive".

I have a friend. We happen to be two different races. We've had the N-word talk and both agreed that it is offensive if I use it and it's equally offensive if she uses in in conversation with me. She just sent me a text that said "My nigga is caving to white folk again". My heart just sank. I knew she used that word with other friends sometimes; but I saw that as a totally disrespectful and somewhat racist thing to say to me (I'm white). After all, if I had said that she'd be on me like stink on poo. It just really disappoints me and I feel hurt and slighted.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Aug. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I don't think it's used the way it used to be. I think the a at the end instead of 'er is the difference in meaning. But I'd have felt the same way you do. I find it offensive in every context of conversation. I have one friend who tried using that phrase with me and I had to tell her that I prefer her to not refer to me that way. Not because I think she's being mean etc, but because it's a slang and I don't want to use it and I don't want my kids using it from picking it up from me.
    I agree and I'd tell her that she broke the deal and it sounds like a racist way to use it to me. What the heck else could it mean? Sounds like she's saying someone is letting the "white folk" beat them down or something.
    I just don't like the word period, with the a or the er at the end and it might be altering my thinking on what it meant but I'd call her on it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:53 AM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • you both should just use the n word and stop being so serious about it. i have a spanish best friend and i call her a spic all the time and she calls me white trash, etc. - who cares, you guys are friends so you obviously dont hate the other race that much.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:21 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • While I don't think the "n" word is offensive (it is just a word), you tow had an agreement not to say it. You can text her back and say I thought we argeed on not saying that or you mean your friend is being pushed around again or something.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 10:22 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • OP here. Hey, I'd love to be one of the white people that are allowed to use that word - especially since other people use it. But she told me that she didn't want me saying it - that I didn't have a right. So I told her that if we were putting limits on it then it should go both ways- her offer of compromise wasn't to stop using it just not using it around me. I used it one time when I was talking to my SIL, my SIL told her husband who told my friends boyfriend and it got back to her. She chewed me out because we had agreed that I wouldn't use the word. That's when I figured out that she meant I was to never use it. Out of respect for her wishes I stopped.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • Maybe she slipped?

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:20 PM on Aug. 16, 2009