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Does it bother anyone else when someone says "Well, when your son (or daughter) is with me they don't act like that."???

My mother keeps telling me this in regaurds to my 21 month old autistic son. It's really starting to get to me because I am the one taking him to his therapies every week and working with him daily at home to help him behave in more age appropriate ways. I work my butt off so he gets what he needs. He doesn't get away with acting up with me or anything. I punish him like I would any other child. He gets time outs if he's doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing (like hitting or throwing toys). I just don't get it. My mom rarely watches him...but when she does if my kid so much as whines and cries she starts pipping up with "well he doesn't do that when I have him." It makes me feel like a horrible mom. It's like no matter what I do, according to her he acts like an angel there and not at home. It's really starting to make me angry. I just want to see if this would bother anyone else or if it's just hormones???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Aug. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Relax and take it as a compliment. A LOT of children behave better with other people than they do with their own parents. It is a good thing and it is a sign of good parenting. It means your child feels most comfortable with you and can be himself. He doesn't hold back what he's feeling with you and the fact that he behaves with others means you're getting through to him...even if it doesn't always seem that way at home.
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 10:48 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • What ANGIE said. Your son knows that you love him and will no matter what. He's confident and secure enough to know that if he acts up with you, you may discipline him, but you won't stop loving him. He may not have that confidence in others. Plus, grandma may be letting things slide that you wouldn't, so he has nothing to act up about.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • tell her it hurts your feelings and if she keeps on you won't let her watch him anymore
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • kids always behave better for other people. My daughter will be an angel when with others and as soon as i get there she starts acting up.
    amymartinez0214

    Answer by amymartinez0214 at 10:57 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • yes my FIL used to say it all the time!
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 11:27 PM on Aug. 16, 2009

  • wow you just described my mother!! its horrible. i totally understand. " he never does that when i have him." when you have a routine and you disiplin him he wont act that way....blah blah blah i am a good mom but i sure dont feel like one when she is around to tell me otherwise!
    LadyDahl

    Answer by LadyDahl at 1:23 AM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Yeah, my MIL does the same thing. If my daughter cries about anything, she'll say "she never cries when I have her" .....yeah, my ass! I can hear her crying over the phone . . . . they always want to be "better" parents . . . . it drives me crazy.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 4:21 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

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