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What would you do?

My family has consistently ignored me... both letting me know what is going on (including things that cannot be excused as an oversight like not letting me know my daughter was involved in a car accident that totalled the car) and responding to my attempts at communication. My mother has been talking sh*t about me to my daughter, all based on assumptions (for the majority of my daughter's life we lived across the country from them). A couple months ago they did tell me stepdad resigned his position & would need to live apart from my mom when he found an interrim position. I got a call from my sister yesterday, "I'm sure you know..." stepdad is leaving Thu. for 3 yrs... no, I didn't know. They don't talk to me. Sis wants us all to have dinner together... I love her and respect her attempts to continue family celebrations, etc., but she really doesn't know how they treat me. There are not reasons for this, btw. Should I go?

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Asked by figaro8895 at 10:57 AM on Aug. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,251 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I think you should not assume what others know or don't know. Tell them how you feel

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:12 AM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • I'm confused by your response... I'm not the one making assumptions... my mother is making assumptions about things she has no knowledge of. My sister assumes my parents are communicating with me. I have tried to reach out and communicate and they shut it down, and then of course, I didn't think I would need to ask daily if there is news. On one hand.... he's leaving for three years, so this is the last opportunity for a while for a family gathering (there hasn't been one since January... we all live 15-20 mins from each other max). On the other... I am very upset about their continued treatment of me and don't feel like I need to subject myself to a put-on and pretend I am part of a family that rejects me... ???

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:25 AM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Why not just come out and ask them why the aren't telling you things?

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:23 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Cavalrybaby... damn good question... our family has ALWAYS operated dysfunctionally and we don't talk about problems. That's the way it is. The answer to your question: I know my mom is totally stressed about this right now and I don't want to add to her pile. Also, I feel like whatever they tell me is going to be a bunch of BS like they didn't realize I didn't know or something... nothing will change. I have addressed similar issues in the past with them and get no response. Really I just don't want to disappoint my sister - she's not the problem and she's making the arrangements. But I did leave her a message that I did not know and have mixed feelings and am very upset.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:39 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

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