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Please help me understand..........

Why it is that when people get married they are suddenly turned into people who are shadows of themselves. When the dating was going on these people were fun loving and care free but as soon as the ring is put on the finger (or maybe a few years later) the fun has come to a complete stop or at least a trickle. Its like when the dating is going on its a chase to see how the one can dazzle the other and then once they have the othehr, thats pretty much it. I know children have a lot to do with this. One grows up and the other doesn't (not true for everyone I know) But in most cases this is true. People get set thinking I don't have to fight anymore and what happens person goes out and finds "fun" with someone else. (again not for everyone, just saying) Why is it this way, why does it take losing someone to realize what was "not" going on anymore. Why does the fun and love whisper away for someone else to hear.


Asked by Savymom25 at 11:51 AM on Aug. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 13 (964 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I don't think there is an answer to why this happens. People get so caught up in thier lives and responsbilities, that they forget to have "fun".

    Even stupid things like chasing each other through the house or having a flour fight in the kitchen... (all things DH and I did this weekend, even after being married for 5 years)

    All of the long lasting and happy marriages that I know of never stop having fun. They never stop playing around.

    I don't think it should have to come down to losing the other person to realize it... that's where communication comes in. If one person is not happy anymore, they need to sit down and TALK with the other person and BOTH people need to make an effort to bring the fun and spark back into thier marriage.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:17 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • I don't know the answer to this. This is what happened with me and my ex which is why we are no longer together. Once we got engaged, he turned into someone completely different.

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 12:07 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • It doesn't, but it takes work from both partners to keep the spark alive.  That can be really hard to do when you have young children because life revolves around them.  But eventually they do grow up and that's when you realise that is was well worth the effort.


    Answer by beeky at 12:34 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • this is why I don't encourage marriage. It's happened to me 3 times. Once we said the I DO it went down hill from there. Now I'm single and have no desire to ever screw up my life again by getting married. It's just not my thing. I love the fun and spontaneity of what I have now.


    Answer by admckenzie at 12:38 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • My DH became so different after our first baby was born. All the responsibility got to him and he disappeared all the time, hit the bottle really hard, and became emotionally and verbally abusive. It took me packing mine and the baby's bags to get it through his head that I wouldn't be in that kind of relationship. You both have to work at it. It's the only way a marriage really works.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Aug. 17, 2009