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Me and my step daughter are NOT....

getting along...she is a tween and has not yet hit puberty, but always seems to be so sensitive she has always been, but lately seem even more sensitive we (dad and I) cant joke about anything without her just giving this mean, rude face. I use to keep my feelings in but lately I have been going off on her so to speak...just telling her how I feel which is not always very nice. I get my feelings hurt by the way she gives attitude and gives face for everything. I know I'm the adult, but I seriously cant stand being around her and I can't wait for school to start so I don't have to and Im sure the feelings mutual on her end. Any advice NOT HATEFUL RESPONSES!
just some advice on trying to heal our relationship because everytime I think about working it out I think about her rudness and I change my mind.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Aug. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • its all about respect,if she hasnt been told how to act around adults thats the main problem, i was a preteen a teen whatever but i tell you what i WAS NOT! allowed to ever talk to my parents as if they were stupid ,give them nasty looks,omg if i ever told my mom your dumb,your crazy,shut up mom,leave me alone mom i would have gotten slaped across my face,i never tried cause i knew thats not how my parents showed me to act around adults.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 12:45 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • even though she has not hit puberty yet dosnt mean the hormones arnt raging, ignore it i know its hard but maybe a girls day shopping or even going to get the nails done would do the trick try to get her to open up and tell you whats going on. Is her bio mom around? also has her dad tried to talk to her about the additude? Good luck and Stay stong teens are mean!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • mabe she feels left out,try going to the movies or something and ask her if a friend wants to go too.
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 1:00 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • those homones usually kick in at nine, and can make a child feel like she is losing her mind. I think that yo udo need to be sensitive to her feelings AND make sure that she understands why she is overly emotional.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:02 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • If she can't handle the sarcasm & jokes, then don't joke around with her. I have a friend that i cannot even be sarcastic with because she is so sensitive, people are different. If she doesn't like it, respect that.

    When she makes faces tell her "it makes me sad when you look at me like that" you don't have to let her have it. Just let her know how it makes you feel. And when she is rude verbally, tell her "it hurts my feelings when you talk to me that way" If you talk to her the same way though, that's not going to work. You need to be compassionate with her, & focus on things that you like about her.

    She is no idiot. She can FEEL that you don't want her around. And she might be hurting over that. Children don't want to go to a parents house, and not be wanted by a step parent. That is an uncomfortable feeling. If you REALLY liked her, she would probably like you too. Have you ever made a strong effort to like her?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:15 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • My niece whom I love with all my heart, is being like this at age 9 - It makes it hard for me to want to be around her because she's so snippy and mean lately. Hormones are coming on earlier these days with girls. Its too bad. Maybe get her a book on what her body is going through and let her knwo that she may not know or understand feeling angry or sad or mad right now but its still not going to be tolerated to snap and be like this around you both. BOTH.. meaning dad has to get involved too!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Op- thanks everyone for your advice and responses. I am not going to talk to her like she is 7 years old with all that " it makes me feel sad when you" she would think that was weird or funny. I am the only mother she knows he biological mother smokes crack and does has not been around for about 4 years on and off. I have always wanted her around until now...so...It's my fault Ive been the only mom in her life that has cared and now that she is all rude...I just need to show her that I like her samurai chick- I love her...but I don't like being around her with her mean ways.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Sounds like a normal tween to me.

    You may feel like you're talking to her like she's 7 by telling her how you feel, but if you can't openly communicate with her at this stage, how in the world are you going to make it through her teen years? Being that you're the only mother she knows, you NEED to communicate with her and let her know how you feel, and how her actions impact those around her. You're the only positive female role model in her life, she NEEDS you. Maybe you should spend some one-on-one quality time with her doing girly things with her. It would probably mean a lot to her, and help her get over some of that normal tween agitation.

    Also...has anyone thought that her attitude might be directed at the fact that her bio-mom is a crack head? That she just comes into and out of her life? Talk about traumatizing! There may be some underlying issues you and your DH need to dig up and deal with.
    milfalicious08

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 12:43 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

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