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How can I get my DH to be a partner instead of an adversary in the parenting our 21 month old?

DH second guesses my every decision regarding our 21 month old DD and fights me on every issue. He doesn't have another point of view, he just fights me. I can't seem to get him to be partners in our parenting. We can't seem to just move forward on the same page! DD is beginning to notice, now and I fear the reprecussions will be irreversible. I am a SAHM and he is 13 years older than me. I do all the parenting from 6 am until he comes home to bathe her and put her to bed. Help. This is exhausting!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Aug. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Could you be more specific? Like what kinds of things does he fight you on? Why is everything a battle? Does he oppose your discipline technique? Are these things that hes fighting you on, BIG issues or just the small stuff? At some point, youre going to have to meet him in the middle. It cant be all his way, but it cant be all your way either. Sit down and talk about what you disagree on and let him tell you how he wants it done and then you tell him how you would like it done and then compromise. There are going to be some things that hes going to have to relent on simply because hes not there all day. You are entitled to do things how you see fit and how it works for you when hes not there. Sometimes dads have unrealistic expectations for us moms when they arent home, such as keeping a schedule that doesnt work for us. Things like that. I would like to hear specifically what youre butting heads on....
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:30 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • I went through the same thing i have a 1in half, 2in a half and 5 in a half yr old. It's hard expecially with the first child, everything is new and we learn as we go through parenting. I yelled and yelled at my hubby about not helping me, until i relized all the yelling was huting my children more than anything, eventually we had a night out and i explanined calmly with tears running down my cheaks that i can't do this by myself, and men have to be told exactly what u need from them, i use ti think wel he should already know, nope thats not how God made the male brain. I will pray for ur situation and it will get better
    angels4262

    Answer by angels4262 at 3:30 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • You are two different people most likely raised completely different. You need to sit down and discuss how you want things done. You need to be willing to give and he does too. Since you did not give specifics on what his issues are I am not going to say he is wrong. My brothers wife gets mad at my brother over discipline. She doesn't discipline the kids when he is not around. He is right about it. The kids need discipline and need to learn how to behave. So until you give specifics I would just say you both need to learn compromise and how to communicate. I honestly don't know why couples don't discuss parenting before they marry. Seemed like common sense to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Listen to and implement some of his ideas. They may turn out to be better than the way you think things should be handled. If they turn out not to be, you can always go back to doing things your way.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:53 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • To everyone who needs some specifics, He doesn't have an alternate plan to our arguements. I have asked. He would rather argue and walk out of the room, restaurant, family gathering ,then complain about my behavior it makes him look  involved. I have wept. I have pleaded. I went on anti depressants, I gave in.He won't deal with any uncomfortable situation regarding her.Crying? Tells her to stop it( I've told him to ask her why or figure it out) Won't eat? leaves. Hurts herself? leaves He leaves an AX on the porch? He didn't mean to. doing, I'm just over emotional.  He wouldn't even let me take her to the ER when she got CROUP( he was embarrassed that I called the EMTs) SO?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

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