Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

any one know about this

i resently found out that who i thouht the father of my child wasn't the father of my child and he still want's to be there for me and my daughter and we're still 17 and he's tryin to adopt her i contacted the sperm doner of my daughter and he said he'd get the dna test and give up his rights cause he wants nothing to do with her so we're so happy he said that but we don't know how the adoption things work out any one know anything about this subject or anything help i've called an adoptions layer and they still haven't called back and i keep callin them and calling them

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Aug. 17, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • huh?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

  • Just things to think about. I have seen many teen relationships and marriages not work out well. Some do. Many do not. This is YOUR baby and also YOUR responsibility. I'm going to be very honest with you that I would be scared that if I were you: if it didn't work out I would be sharing my baby with a man that no longer cared about me and two he might one day have complete custody of her if we break up. If he adopts, and I'm not saying he shouldn't, then he has equal rights to that child as you. Which means he can seek full custody of her and have equal chance of doing that. Just think about very carefully if you can be okay with the idea that if something happened to your relationship he could have full guardianship. On the other hand nothing prevents you from waiting a few years, having him part of your child's life, and if something happens you still have your child without anyone to give you grief over custody.


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:40 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • You should not rush into this. Make sure your relationship with this guy is solid. Is he really ready to commit to you and your child. Like is he ready to marry you? Wait until after that.

    Also, I know the father wants nothing to do with her, but please be sure not to talk bad about him in front of her and don't refer to him as the sperm donor. There may be a time when she wants to have a relationship, which even though he might not deserve, she does.


    Answer by onethentwins at 10:43 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I knew who the father of my kids were so that wasnt an issue for me but... did he sign the declaration of paternity? If he did, then he is basically her father as far as anything is concerned since he would be on the birth cert. The only reason she would need to be adopted would be for him to have rights if you split up. I personally wouldnt have someone adopt my child, regardless of the situation, until he had been together for a very long time

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 1:41 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • If you are married, then all you need to do is a step-parent adoption. Call your local court family division for more info on how to go about it.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 2:29 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Looks like Jaydin Makenna doesn't know everything. You have to be married before he'd be allowed to adopt him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • anon 9:34... well in my state that is not true! Anybody can adopt a child, married or not, single or not... it doesnt matter!!

    anon... check that link! It straight says "you no longer need to be married to adopt a partner's child"

    So who doesnt know anything now?? Why dont you post your name if you are calling someone out like that with info that is INCORRECT??

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 1:54 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • OP, this is very simple in terms of what is (NO matter what STATE one lives )is legally capable to adopt until they become of legal age. LOOK that up in any STATE, and one will find this is the law. Longevity of a relationship is not a GOOD reason to adopt a child, regardless of age! Ask any Mother whom was married for many years, and adopted, when their spouse of many years, left them emotionally and fianacially destitute. Suddenley they are left with not only a child they yearned for ...for many years, but NOW have to face real life decisions about raising a child without their spouse of MANY YEARS! So, years of being married is NOT a guarantee for a childs happiness. When and if you and this significant other marry, and decide to build a life,, yopu would then proceed with TPR of the fathers rights, then you both can proceed with adoption. Most times adoption in this instance...cont.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Is considered so that the child can have full benefits of insurance, and in worst case scenarios...death benefits, along with the pure love of feelings for the child. One does not have to be married for years to be able to , provide genuine love for a child. Blessings to you and your child, and Koodos to your significant other for unconditional love of a child! I send this with Serenity, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:41 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I am no professional, but know a lot about adoption as my husband and I are not able to conceive and are trying to adopt. I encourage you to contact a local adoption agency as they provide free counseling to help you decide, without pressuring you. You get to choose the adoptive couple based on books they put together depicting their interests and history. You can meet with them and get to know eachother if you'd like. Or you can let the agency choose if you'd rather. You can also choose to have ongoing contact and pictures/updates if you'd like, though you don't have to if you don't wish to. I am running out of room so cannot explain how the rest of the adoption process works, please feel free to contact me, or go to a local agency. I am so impressed by the courage and conviction of women who choose adoption. There are so many couples like us who are waiting to be chosen, and who so appreciate the bravery of women like you.

    Answer by JaneAustenFan25 at 12:48 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.