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Why does my husband it is bad for our children to see me cry after I found out I miscarried?

Last month, after a month on bed rest for spottin in June; My doctor told me (on my b-day of all days!) that I had miscarried the baby sometime during the last month, probably close to the spotting time since my hormone levels were so low. This was the sixth miscarriage but the first one that lasted into the 2nd trimester. (I had 2 between 1st & 2nd daughters; 1 before 3rd daughter and 3 in the past year, sept, dec, and now june/july). I sometimes feel like I am being selfish for wanting a 4th child but I feel a void in the family like we are missing one more part. Anyways after the doctor got of the phone I started crying and explained to my husband what she said. One of our girls, the littlest one, came down stairs and he threw a pillow at me and told me not to let her see me cry. I wanted to tear him apart. All I was wanting was him to hold me and let me cry it out telling me it was ok. What is up with that?! Why? Opinions?

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Asked by Garciamommyof3 at 5:49 AM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (3)
  • That was mighty rude and inconsiderate of your husband. I can say with all confidence that my husband would never do such a thing to me.

    Crying is okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying when you are sad, and it is never a bad thing for our children to see us cry. It's what makes us human.

    Answer by jessnpaulie1014 at 5:53 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • A lot of people shield their kids from death and grief. He may not think it is appropriate for a child to be faced with death or not sure of how to explain it to the kids. (I know people who never attended a funeral until they were adults). Talk to your hubby about how to explain it to the kids. They need to know how very thankful you are for them, but how much you will miss this baby. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know there are many miscarriage groups here on cafemom. Maybe they can help you more.

    Answer by micheledo at 6:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I probably wouldn't go and explain it to the little kids entirely. If they knew there was a baby comming I would probably tell them the baby got sick or somthing. I think if the child walks in on you crying about it that's a perfect time to say Mommy's just a little sad and give her some sort of an explination. My kids have seen my cry when my cousin OD'd. I told them I was sad because I couldn't see my cousin anymore. They didn't go to the funeral. I tried to keep death away from my 4 year old to an extent and somehow she knows about it?? So I would talk to your Husband..maybe he feels since you've gone through it so many times it's not as big of a deal...but it is. Good luck *hugs*

    Answer by minimommy816 at 7:57 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

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