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Emotional Affairs

I need major help and am hoping that you guys will go easy on me here. I have recently become reaquainted with an old coworker, and we have started what some would call an emotional affair. We've yet to see each other, just e-mail. I have known him for almost 10 years. We are both married with children. I know what I'm doing is wrong. But I can't seem to stop talking to him. I am actually more attracted to him than to my husband. I hate to say that, but it's true. My husband is great with the kids and loves me so much. But it's almost like we're friends more than lovers. I feel trapped, and want to get my life back on track, but every morning, I look forward to "seeing" the other man on the computer. Please go easy on me with the responses, but I really want to talk to someone who has possibly gone through this before and has some pointers.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 AM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • One problem is that you are exercising a lack of self control. You have to be brave enough to say 'no more' and take measures to make sure that you stick to it. Change your email address, erase his - and force yourself to stay away from him. Another problem is that you are romanticizing the possibility of a relationship with this guy. It's natural to feel a longing when we find ourselves feeling distant from our spouse (or we feel our spouse is distant with us). You can justify all day why this guy is talking to you and why you feel for him; IE, his wife is a bitch, she doesn't understand, she doesn't this or she does that. What you can't ignore (but we tend to) is the fact that you are a wonderful person , a wonderful woman and you deserve a man who is deserving of you - do you deserve a man who can't maintain his commitments; one who so easily can detach himself from the woman he gave his ring too? Open your eyes.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 7:34 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • It is just a diversion for him out of his boring married life. Believe me he isn't going anywhere. It sounds like he has been on this trip with other women before. Head games is more like it. Quit while you ahead.

    Answer by bella69147 at 8:19 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Personally I don't see anything wrong with it. Do what you have to do to find happiness in this lifetime. You are not hurting anyone by enjoying time with a friend especially since it's only online.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:57 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Take it from a person who has been down this road before. Nothing good will come out of this. You are lacking something in your marriage and need to discover what that is and get it from your husband. The grass is not greener on the other usually is browner!

    Answer by unknownjourney at 9:08 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • You need to tell your old friend goodbye today. Stop doing what you are doing cold turkey. Then every time you have a thought about him, immediately get rid of it by thinking something sweet about your husband. You are playing with fire and you will get burned and scarred if you keep going down this path. Our feelings follow our thoughts, and you are allowing yourself to think about the wrong guy. Nobody can fix that but you. Instead of writing emails to your old buddy, write emails to your husband, telling him what a great guy he is, what a good dad he is, how much you appreciate and respect him. Your feelings will begin to change as you begin to change your thought life. This is very serious business, and you are risking a lot of good things for something that could be nothing more than a handful of air. Let it go and cling to your husband.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:20 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Pm me if you want I have a story for you..

    Answer by my2loves0607 at 10:28 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • ask yourself, if the situation was reversed would you be ok with your husband persuing someone online? If you can't seem to find a problem with that, maybe you should look to couples counsoling. There is a reason that you and your old friend seperated, remember that. Also think of how your children and husband would feel if you did leave. There is so much to lose and you really should say goodbye to your interenet friend. JMO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

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