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Can I tell my mother in law I don't want her in the room while I'm in labor?

I'm not due until february but somehow this has already become an issue. Until the lat couple months me and my MIL really didn''t get along, she was mean to me and screwed my husband over again and again, including stealing $500 from him at on point. Now she's been better and we have been getting along, although I could never trust this women. I want my husband, my 9yo daughter and my mom in the room. My husband says his mom has been in the room when everyone of her 7 grandkids werre born and that it's not right to say my mom can be there but not his. I think she would make me very uncomfortable. I've even considered saying I'd just rather my mom not be there so MIL can't say anything, but my mom was in the room last time and it helped so much. I feel mean to tell MIL no since she has been very nice lately but the thought of having her there makes labor seem like something to dread instead of something to look forward to. HELP


Asked by shawneewaiting at 8:28 AM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (87)
  • I agree with some of the other posters. Just tell her that you are uncomfortable with someone you don't know extremely well being there for such an intimate experience. Promise her that she will be the first one to hold the baby after DH. Make sure your mom knows that since she is there for the birth, other grandma will hold the baby first. If your mom argues, then just tell her she can't be in the room either but you already promised other grandma and can not and will not break your promise. But, also remember, that the way you handle this will set the tone of the relationship forever. Be nice. Tell her it is not her, it is you, and you are just peculiar that way. And that you don't want it to hurt your relationship. You hope that in the future you two can get to know each other better and become closer. But you have to mean it. If you don't she will see right through you and never trust you.

    Answer by Leslie2164 at 9:34 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • SHe does NOT have the right to be in the room. It's your decision, not his, unfortunately. If you are not comfortable with her in the room, then I'd say no. It's different when it's your mom, she changed you, fed you, and has seen you in pain and naked. she has inheriant knowledge of you, your MIL does not. Her being your MIL does not override that fact. Tell hubby sorry but no go.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:34 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I agree with Jade...

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 8:36 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • you have every right to decide who is in the room when you give birth.....not your hubby.....i would say she can be in there for the labor part but the delivery id have her leave....or visa versa

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 8:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Sure you can... and tell the staff in the hospital too.

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:37 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • It's your moment so it is up to you and no she has no "right" to be there if you don't want her there. To keep peace tell her your doctor said no. You have enough people in there. Tell your doctor what you are saying so he/she can back you up. They are pretty good about having it the way you want it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:38 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I agree with PP, you should be as comfortable as possible in the labor &delivery room. If MIL makes you that uncomfortable, don't allow her in there. Was she in there for your 9 yo? The doc will ask YOU not your hubby who goes in with you and the doc can deliver the news to those left out.

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 8:43 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • tell your husband.
    is it him or you pushing out his kid?
    because YOU have to be in a comfortable situation and if you don't want your MIL in there, you don't have to have her in there.

    Answer by kittenripmaygo at 8:45 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I was adamant about no one being there but myself and my DH! Neither set of parents liked the idea, but it is what I wanted and they didn't have a choice...some did not like it and I told them if I thought they would show early I would not call till the baby was born!! In the end everyone respected my wishes! And I had a great delivery. Best of luck and the choice is need to be focused on you and whatever will make that more possible!

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 8:47 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • contd: But if she would make you uncomfortable you should not have her there.
    I wonder if you could invite her in soon after the birth and let her hold the baby. This might soften the blow of not being there at the very moment of birth, and still make her feel part of the family?

    Answer by Bmat at 8:48 AM on Aug. 18, 2009