Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Christians explain to me please---

the difference between turning your back on your children an not approving of their choices on moral matters.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (14)
  • Jesus said we are to love the sinner,and hate the sin. Just because I don't approve of my child's lifestyle choice doesn't mean I love them any less. It just means I am praying all that much harder for the blinders to be lifted,and for them to see what they are doing is paining God greatly. No judging, since I myself am a sinner,saved by grace, just love, and speaking the word in love.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 9:51 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • stv, if you found out your child was doing drugs, would you help him or her find help or would you leave it to them? Is there a cut off point where you say I can help you no more?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • why is this directed at xtians parents? a good parent is a good parent, no matter what their religious beliefs are.
    anyone can not approve of someone's moral choices..that doesn't negate their love. loving your child (or anyone) isn't a conditional thing. it just is. if you see your child (or anyone you love) in harms way, due to any circumstance be it natural or of their own cause, of course you would attempt to remove them from that danger. you cannot make their choices for them..that is their ultimate will and responsibility. where are you going with this line of questioning?

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:58 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I would absolutely move heaven and earth to help my child get off drugs. A drug addict is incapable of helping themselves if they are that deep into it. My BIL was a life-long heroin addict,and it cost him his life 9 years ago,at at 44. But, in doing all I could do, I would turn first and foremost to God,and ask for His guidance. If we do that, and truly listen to Him, He will and does guide us to the right thing, every single time. He doesn't want to see us suffer, or our children caught up in something as horrendous as drugs, and He will help and guide us every step of the way. I can tell you from watching my MIL,and FIL,that there probably isn't a point where I would just throw in the towel. They did all they could to help DH's brother,but he was too far gone to help by the time he died. My heart still aches that they were unable to help him,and now we've lost him.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 10:00 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • A drug addict is incapable of helping themselves if they are that deep into it.

    No, the only one who can save a drug addict is himself. Nothing you do will change that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • why is this directed at xtians parents?

    Because of another question that seemed to imply if you don't approve of a choice because of your religion you are turning your back. It seems to me there is a difference between not approving and accepting illegal or immoral behavior and rejecting your child.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Anon :07, I agree with what you said, they have to want to save themselves,but most, and I'm speaking from the experience of watching my brother in law, WANT to,but are not really capable. They have to have the help from family, most have no idea how to get help, even though they really do want it,and want to change. As I said, I'm speaking from first hand experience.

    Answer by stvmen88 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • A drug addict is incapable of helping themselves if they are that deep into it.

    No, the only one who can save a drug addict is himself. Nothing you do will change that.

    It is evident that an addict can help himself because if he can he wouldn't be an addict in the first place, we can do nothing without God's help and sometimes God will use other persons to help us.

    STEVMAN88 I agree with you 100 % I wouldn't turn my back to my children . If they do something I know is no good for them I would try to help them or pray and let God convict their hearts.
    Your child will always be your child always , they will also eventually do something you don't approve but I would not turn my back to them.
    The difference between turn your back and disaproved is : turn back is not loving anymore disaprove means not to agree with their behavior or choices but you still call them your child you still love them the same

    Answer by Vero529 at 10:58 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I recently made my oldest son move out AND refused to let him have the extra furniture I had because of my disapproval of his life choices. I did not turn my back on him. I am still his mom, I still love him and I will still be supportive of him, encourage him and above all love him. I will not support him, enable him or ever stop loving him. I know someone who turned their back on their child - she is so torn and in turmoil - she will not speak to him, will not allow his name spoken in her house, won't allow herself to ask how he is, where he is or if he's longing for her or not. That's turning your back. Tough love, standing on insisting that they exercise good judgment and continuing to stand as an example in front of them is completely different. Should my son, truly, need me - I would break the sound barrier getting to him.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:14 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • i agree with the other ladies. not agreeing with your child's choices is not the same as turning your back on them. i dont even know how one could see it that way.

    every good parent lets their children know whats expected of them & when they disobey there are consequences. its called discipline. its the best way to make sure your kid doesnt end up being a brat.

    but disagreeing w/ your kids choice to the point that you refuse to have any contact with them or even be reminded of them...thats turning your back.

    Answer by okmanders at 11:54 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.