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I won't kiss my husband back anymore, help!

Everytime my husband touches me, or kisses me, or says that I'm sexy I think that he wants to have sex.
Example, if I'm in the kitchen getting dinner ready and he grabs my butt, I immediately think he wants to jump into bed. And then I get frustrated and mad at him because I'm busy and I can't drop everything to have sex. And then I feel angry at myself because I used to be the type who wanted sex all the time, and now I could totally do without it.
We've talked about it, and he's explained that just because he kisses me, or grabs my butt doesn't mean he wants to do it. It's his way of showing that he still thinks I'm sexy. But I still freak out.
When we kiss I'm scared to kiss him back because I feel like that'll give him a signal that I want to have sex, when I don't. I am constantly trying to avoid physical contact in fear of sending him a "I want to have sex" signal. I want to fix this before it ruins our marriage. Help!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • How about special nicknames for each other? If he calls you Baby, or whatever, it means he wants to do it. If you agree, you call him your special name for him back. Explain that if he doesn't hear it you aren't up for it. That way if he acts sexy toward you and doesn't say the special name, you can just enjoy the attention, and you can respond without feeling like you are misleading him.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 1:18 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • get the book
    men are from mars, women venus the bedroom
    i have read a few chapeters out loud with husband in bed
    and it has openned eyes for us, reminded us how the different genders like sex


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Maybe you should just do it and try to remember why you liked it!

    Answer by smarshy at 10:02 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I'd say imagine if it were the other way around. Would you feel rejected? What would you do? If he is trying to make you feel sexy still, is it possible that you aren't making him feel sexy enough? I get that you are busy, but I always prefer to have an orgasm- life is too short! And finally, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS! This is not a huge problem in a marriage. I know it feels significant but there could be much worse going on so try to keep that in mind when dealing with it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Get a grip, lady. Your husband already told you that an ass-grab doesn't mean he wants you to throw your legs behind your head. So quit making up problems and just be yourself, kiss him back, flirt if you feel like it and don't make so many assumptions.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:16 AM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Talk to your husband about what WILL be a signal that you want to have sex. Or make it known to him that if you don't say, "let's have sex." then you don't want to. That way you can kiss and flirt without worrying about him taking your signals the wrong way.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:00 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • i feel the same way. idk what to make of it. i think theres something wrong with me. i used to like sex all the time....and recently im not in the mood...and when i finally give in i just want it over with . i love him much but ever since my a different person now. really sucks.

    Answer by brandoneaglemom at 11:42 PM on Aug. 18, 2009